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The chart below shows the total number of munites ( in billions) of telephone calls in the UK. divided into categories, from 1995 - 2002. v.1

The chart below shows the total number of munites ( in billions) of telephone calls in the UK. divided into categories, from 1995 - 2002. v. 1
Boxing, which is a type of sports where two people punch each other in order to earn points, and the person with the highest points emerges the winner, is a bloody game that many times leaves the competitors with noticeable bruises. Many believe it is detrimental for boxing to be in existence in the modern world. In my opinion, I strongly disagree with the proponents that the sports should be eradicated because asides the fact that the players should be left to indulge in their passion, it is an honest profession through which wealth and fame are attained and must be left to go on in this new era. The existence of boxing should not be brought to an end, seeing that everyone has a right to be involved in what he or she loves. Besides, these folks are not cajoled into boxing, they willingly chose it as a sport to play. Meanwhile, if one is forced to abandon his or her passion, it will result into rebellion. For instance, a recent study proves that people who are forcefully put out from hobbies, tend to protest and this many times leads to violence and death. Hence, it is wise to leave boxing for those who love it. Furthermore, the sports, boxing need not be stopped due to the fact that it is an honest profession. Numerous people make a living by participating in it. It has in fact enriched lots of people who are faithful competitors and also makes them well-known. For example, the famous Mike Tyson made his first millions as a boxer who started the sports at a young age and did not relent. This goes a long way to prove that boxing rewards the participants greatly and therefore, should not be cut off from this new age. In conclusion, although the sports is a bloody one which causes obvious injuries, I opine that it should be in continual existence since many people are passionate about it and whole-heartedly accept the outcome of the sports, and it is also a good way to make an excellent living.
Boxing, which is a type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
where two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
punch each other in order to earn points, and the person with the highest points emerges the winner, is a bloody game that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
the competitors with noticeable bruises.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe it is detrimental for boxing to be in existence in the modern world. In my opinion, I
strongly
disagree with the proponents that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
should
be eradicated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
asides the fact that the players should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to indulge in their passion, it is an honest profession through which wealth and fame
are attained
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
to go on in this new era.

The existence of boxing should not
be brought
to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, seeing that everyone has a right to
be involved
in what he or she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
.
Besides
, these folks are not cajoled into boxing, they
willingly
chose it as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to play. Meanwhile, if one
is forced
to abandon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
passion, it will result into rebellion.
For instance
, a recent study proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
forcefully
put out from hobbies, tend to protest and this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times leads to violence and death.
Hence
, it is wise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
boxing for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
it.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, boxing need not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
due to the fact that it is an honest profession. Numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living by participating in it. It has in fact enriched lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are faithful competitors and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them well-known.
For example
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Mike Tyson made his
first
millions as a boxer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
at a young age and did not relent. This goes a long way to prove that boxing rewards the participants
greatly
and
therefore
, should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
off from this new age.

In conclusion
, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is a bloody one which causes obvious injuries, I opine that it should be in continual existence since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are passionate about it and whole-
heartedly
accept the outcome of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, and it is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an excellent living.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the total number of munites ( in billions) of telephone calls in the UK. divided into categories, from 1995 - 2002. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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