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The total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002 v.1

The total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002 v. 1
There is a growing tendency to seek advice from older, instead of younger people. In my opinion, this is prudent because older people are less narcissistic and have more mature viewpoints. Recent research has confirmed the suspicion that our seniors are less self-involved. Just as children begin as complete narcissists incapable of feeling empathy, young people must also work through trauma, hurtful pride and delusions to become healthy. When you get a job, work as part of a team, form friendships and have lovers, you will naturally uncover your unhealthy drives and slowly replace them with socially constructive ones. This expanded confidence and self-growth allows you to truly listen to what others are saying and be capable of giving sound advice disentangled from personal insecurities. The other reason that older people give better advice is that they have opinions shaped through years of experience. Young people tend to be more idealistic and less willing to consider what is pragmatic. If an individual has had a family, they will have to navigate work/life balance issues, raising a child, intimacy, and financial obstacles. They will develop coping mechanisms and methods to deal with these problems and be able to pass them on to anyone in search of guidance. Young people could give similar advice, but since it is not based on experience and has not been tested, it is less likely to be effective. In conclusion, a settled temperament and experience are the factors that favour the counsel of older people. As young people become old people, it is increasingly likely they will see the veracity of this.
There is a growing tendency to seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
,
instead
of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In my opinion, this is prudent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
narcissistic and have more mature viewpoints.

Recent research has confirmed the suspicion that our seniors are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
self-involved.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
as complete narcissists incapable of feeling empathy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
work through trauma, hurtful pride and delusions to become healthy. When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job, work as part of a team, form friendships and have lovers, you will
naturally
uncover your unhealthy drives and
slowly
replace them with
socially
constructive ones. This expanded confidence and self-growth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
you to
truly
listen to what others are saying and be capable of giving sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
disentangled from personal insecurities.

The other reason that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
give better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
is that they have opinions shaped through years of experience.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be more idealistic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
willing to consider what is pragmatic. If an individual has had a family, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
navigate work/life balance issues, raising a child, intimacy, and financial obstacles. They will develop coping mechanisms and methods to deal with these problems and be able to pass them on to anyone in search of guidance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could give similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
since it is not based on experience and has not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
likely to be effective.

In conclusion
, a settled temperament and experience are the factors that
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
the counsel of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is
increasingly
likely they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the veracity of this.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in the UK, divided into three categories, from 1995-2002 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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