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The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australian's share of the Japanese tourist market. v.1

The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australian's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 1
In our modern age international trading is much easier than it was before, therefore we can find a variety of foods from all over the world on the grocery store shelves. Although some people think that every government should produce all needed products for their citizens within a country, since I am sure that some types of meals are literally impossible to be made or found without importing from abroad or at least it is not cost effective. First of all, some products for foods are simply inaccessible in some places, while in other areas that products are laying under the feet. Though it is well known that the geographical location of the country defines its main type of food. Provided that in coastal cities or villages, seafood is a main and cheapest product, while in Kyrgyzstan, where you can reach the closest sea coast after passing minimum three borders, seafood is really is a treasure. Thus, for some countries it is the best solution in economic aspect to import some types of food from other locations. Secondly, if any country is losing economically from the constant purchasing products, the best way to compensate it is to export other type of food, instead of cutting meal imports and leave people without some crucial food ingredients. As any country that has to buy something from other countries definitely can find what to propose in its own turn. For example, the valleys of Kazakhstan which have a vast expanses of fertile land and pastures can export corns and beef to some countries like Japan and import seafood from them instead. Indeed, it is undeniable that it is better to export abundant products rather than waste it aimlessly and import needed products than suffering from of its deficits. In conclusion, undoubtedly clear that in economic aspects any for any country is better to get some supply from other countries rather than trying to grow or produce that nutrition. Absolutely it can be technically difficult or too expensive to do it. I, personally, believe that every community must arrange comprehensive trading in both directions for more effective management of any kind of resources.
In our modern age international trading is much easier than it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
therefore
we can find a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from all over the world on the grocery store shelves. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should produce all needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for their citizens within a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, since I am sure that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of meals are
literally
impossible to
be made
or found without importing from abroad or at least it is not cost effective.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
simply
inaccessible in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places, while in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are laying under the feet.
“Though” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Though
it is well known that the geographical location of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
defines its main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Provided that in coastal cities or villages, seafood is a main and cheapest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, while in Kyrgyzstan, where you can reach the closest sea coast after passing minimum three borders, seafood is
really
is a treasure.
Thus
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
it is the best solution in economic aspect to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
import
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
types
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
locations.

Secondly
, if any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is losing
economically
from the constant purchasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, the best way to compensate it is to export
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
instead
of cutting meal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imports
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ingredients.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
something from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
definitely can find what to propose in its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
turn.
For example
, the valleys of Kazakhstan which have a vast
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "expanse"?
expanses
of fertile land and pastures can export corns and beef to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Japan and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
import
seafood from them
instead
.
Indeed
, it is undeniable that it is better to export abundant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
rather
than waste it
aimlessly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
import
needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
than suffering from of its deficits.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in economic aspects any for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
supply from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
rather
than trying to grow or produce that nutrition.
Absolutely
it can be
technically
difficult or too expensive to do it. I,
personally
, believe that every community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
arrange comprehensive trading in both directions for more effective management of any kind of resources.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australian's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
359 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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