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The chart below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market (IELTS BOOK 3 TEST 1) v.1

The chart below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market (IELTS BOOK 3 TEST 1) v. 1
There are those who argue that learning the historical past can assist educators far comprehension of the modern world, while others claim that it is not necessary to study this subject. According to the individual idea, I strongly believe that both viewpoints will be explained throughout the following paragraph for various reasons. The historical story should be taught which is the one of all ways to understand noticeably nowadays for several reasons. The most important point to consider is that if we educate the past story, we are able to know the cultural tradition. Additionally, the new generation, possibly preserves this culture for the next generation. This action impact on the image of identity of those countries. In my opinion, I totally believe that these cultures and tradition which can be attract the foreigner extremely. Conversely, there are some convincing opinions why the past is unnecessary for teaching anymore. The first and conceivably the most obvious reason is that learning past might the learner addicted the backwardness too much. Furthermore, there are many technological innovations and oversea languages that are used in various ways. Sometime, the new generation is the main actor that people can observe that they can adapt everything, leading to being valuable whether modernised building or the application of game online. Learning past cannot be beneficial because learning challenges need to study aboard or survey the people’s demand In conclusion, even through past should learn for several reasons, it might not necessary anymore. There are many things which changed significantly without learning the past, so most innovators use more imagination than knowledge. Personally, I firmly believe that both views are equally significances, as a result, the comprehension of present time need to open-minded and quickly adapt own self.
There are those who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
can assist educators far comprehension of the modern world, while others claim that it is not necessary to study this subject. According to the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, I
strongly
believe that both viewpoints will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
throughout the following paragraph for various reasons.

The historical story should
be taught
which is the one of
Did you mean "always"?
all ways
to understand
noticeably
nowadays for several reasons. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point to consider is that if we educate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
story, we are able to know the cultural tradition.
Additionally
, the new generation,
possibly
preserves this culture for the
next
generation. This action impact on the image of identity of those countries. In my opinion, I
totally
believe that these cultures and tradition which can be
Consider using the past participle "attracted"?
attract
the foreigner
extremely
.

Conversely
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convincing opinions why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
is unnecessary for teaching anymore. The
first
and
conceivably
the most obvious reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
might the learner addicted the backwardness too much.
Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technological innovations and oversea languages that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in various ways. Sometime, the new generation is the main actor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can observe that they can adapt everything, leading to being valuable whether
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
building or the application of game online.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
cannot be beneficial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
challenges need to study aboard or survey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
demand


In conclusion
, even through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
should learn for several reasons, it
The word 'necessary' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
might not necessary
anymore. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
most innovators
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more imagination than knowledge.
Personally
, I
firmly
believe that both views are
equally
Possible spelling mistake found.
significances
,
as a result
, the comprehension of present time need to open-minded and
quickly
adapt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
self.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below show the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australia’s share of the Japanese tourist market (IELTS BOOK 3 TEST 1) v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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