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Many young children today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to have a positive attitude towards learning? v.2

Many young children today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to have a positive attitude towards learning? v. 2
In the contemporary times, most of the youngsters are becoming more cautious about their outward appearance, which in turn is subconsciously affecting their own lives both financially and psychologically. This essay aims at enlightening the underlying reasons and consequences of this trend. Among several factors that are responsible for creating the notion that physical appearance needs to be given the utmost importance in one’s life, the attention seeking advertising has become a major reason for influencing the young adulthood. As a result of this, most of the young generation thrives to adapt a luxurious lifestyle ultimately leading their life towards a financial crisis over a span of time. For instance, a diverse number of advertising agencies often showcase that possession of their products not only depicts a status symbol in the society, but also makes an individual’s physical appearance unique, subsequently being able to easily target young generation. Lacking the ability to draw a line between the necessities of life and extravagant expenses, youngsters often fall for such notions, making them incapable of handling their expenses over the time. Another factor influencing the younger generation to this misconception that outward appearance stands out among all the other attributes in bringing them success is the overexposure to social media platform. Having spent most of their time on social media, most of the adolescents are habituated in showcasing most of their day-to-day activities and moments online. With the platform of social media being exposed globally, many of these adolescents often try to modify and Photoshop their photographs, eventually leading to an inferiority complex and low self-esteem among their peers and creating a sense that physical appearance surpasses other traits of one’s personality. To conclude, I strongly agree that the younger generation is becoming more focused towards their physical appearance rather than giving importance in developing other traits or characteristics of a personality development which in turn is affecting their lives both financially and psychologically.
In the contemporary times, most of the youngsters are becoming more cautious about their outward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
, which in turn is
subconsciously
affecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
both
financially
and
psychologically
. This essay aims at enlightening the underlying reasons and consequences of this trend.

Among several factors that are responsible for creating the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
needs to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the utmost importance in one’s life, the attention seeking advertising has become a major reason for influencing the young adulthood.
As a result
of this, most of the young generation thrives to adapt a luxurious lifestyle
ultimately
leading their life towards a financial crisis over a span of time.
For instance
, a diverse number of advertising agencies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
showcase that possession of their products not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depicts a status symbol in the society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
unique,
subsequently
being able to
easily
target young generation. Lacking the ability to draw a line between the necessities of life and extravagant expenses, youngsters
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fall for such notions, making them incapable of handling their expenses over the time.

Another factor influencing the younger generation to this misconception that outward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
stands out among all the other attributes in bringing them success is the overexposure to social media platform. Having spent most of their time on social media, most of the adolescents
are habituated
in showcasing most of their day-to-day activities and moments online. With the platform of social media
being exposed
globally,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
try to modify and Photoshop their photographs,
eventually
leading to an inferiority complex and low self-esteem among their peers and creating a sense that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
surpasses other traits of one’s personality.

To conclude
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the younger generation is becoming more focused towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
appearance
rather
than giving importance in developing other traits or characteristics of a personality development which in turn is affecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
both
financially
and
psychologically
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Many young children today leave school with a negative attitude towards learning. Why is this happening? What can be done to encourage young people to have a positive attitude towards learning? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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