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Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that girls and boys benefit more from attending mixed schools. Which education system do you think is better? Why? v.2

Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that girls and boys benefit more from attending mixed schools. Which education system do you think is better? Why? v. 2
Facilities and the environment of a school play a crucial role in developing students' overall performance and personality along with the quality of a school, teachers it has and the curriculum it follows. Having studied in both - all girls and mixed school environment, I have experienced the differences between the two educational systems. Personally, I believe that mixed schools have more advantages to offer to their students. Girls and boys are basically very different with respect to their thought process, preference,   physical orientation and in the way they respond to a situation. Studying in the same sex school unquestionably helps students to become comfortable with their classmates and develop comradery very easily. Moreover, today, men and women share the workspaces everywhere, irrespective of the sector. Being able to work efficiently with someone's colleagues is just as important as having the right skills for the job. Even outside the workspace, one has to interact with both genders almost on a daily basis. Thus, the atmosphere at school should prepare students for life outside its compound walls. When girls and boys study, play and work on school projects together, they get to learn from other students and this activity catalyses respect. It allows them to understand the mutual differences better and be more considerate towards each other. The neutral treatment helps them to look beyond gender and treat individuals equally. Such students find it comparatively easier to cope with mixed gender situations, at offices or at social occasions. Subsequently, it facilitates them with skills to create meaningful and lasting relationships with people. To conclude, I believe that students get an opportunity to develop their overall personality when they study in mixed schools. It exposes them to wider competition which inculcates a broader perspective towards people.
Facilities and the environment of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
play a crucial role in developing students'
overall
performance and personality along with the quality of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, teachers it has and the curriculum it follows. Having studied in both
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
all girls and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment, I have experienced the differences between the two educational systems.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have more advantages to offer to their students.

Girls and boys are
basically
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with respect to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process, preference,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
physical orientation and in the way they respond to a situation. Studying in the same sex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
unquestionably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to become comfortable with their classmates and develop
Possible spelling mistake found.
comradery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women share the workspaces everywhere, irrespective of the sector. Being able to work
efficiently
with someone's colleagues is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as having the right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for the job. Even outside the workspace, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
interact with both genders almost on a daily basis.
Thus
, the atmosphere at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
should prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for life outside its compound walls.

When girls and boys study, play and work on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
projects together, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn from other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and this activity catalyses respect. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to understand the mutual differences better and be more considerate towards each other. The neutral treatment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to look beyond gender and treat individuals
equally
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find it
comparatively
easier to cope with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
gender situations, at offices or at social occasions.
Subsequently
, it facilitates them with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to create meaningful and lasting relationships with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an opportunity to develop their
overall
personality when they study in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. It exposes them to wider competition which inculcates a broader perspective towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that girls and boys benefit more from attending mixed schools. Which education system do you think is better? Why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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