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the chart below shows the highest educational degree earned by King City residents and the average household size in King City from 1950 - 2000 v.1

the chart below shows the highest educational degree earned by King City residents and the average household size in King City from 1950 - 2000 v. 1
The argument over the use of animals to provide food, medicine, and clothing has been ongoing for years. Some people consider the killing of animals to produce food and other products to be unnecessary. In my view, I agree with this idea and will discuss several compelling reasons in this essay. These days, we are faced with many public health challenges regarding poor health conditions, including cancer and heart disease, caused by excessive consumption of meat on a regular and long-term basis. Experts are calling for a change in human diets so that people can enjoy better health. Fortunately, many alternative meat products are available on the market. In fact, vegetarian diets are being favored by a growing number of people and can provide the same amount of nutrients for consumers. In particular, mushrooms and tofu contain high levels of protein, a kind of nutrient presumably only found in meat, and can therefore be used as a substitute. Furthermore, medical experiments on animals and medicines manufactured from animals’ body parts received little endorsement in the past. Nowadays, herbs and many other types of plant-based medicines, such as ginseng, can cure many diseases, prolong human life expectancy, and aid medical practitioners in the treatment of many illnesses. More seriously, thousands of wild animals, such as tigers and minks, are killed each year, with their fur taken to produce coats and accessories for the fashion industry. There are now similar products made from plants and artificial materials that can fulfill our needs. Animals do not have to suffer for our needs anymore. In conclusion, I think that our needs and desires do not justify the suffering of animals and animal products are no longer necessary. We can choose a different source of nourishment, medicine and clothing without any toll on wild animals.
The argument over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to provide food,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
, and clothing has been ongoing for years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider the killing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to produce food and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to be unnecessary. In my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and will discuss several compelling reasons in this essay.

These days, we
are faced
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
public health challenges regarding poor health conditions, including cancer and heart disease, caused by excessive consumption of meat on a regular and long-term basis. Experts are calling for a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in human diets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can enjoy better health.
Fortunately
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternative meat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are available on the market. In fact, vegetarian diets are
being favored
by a growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and can provide the same amount of nutrients for consumers.
In particular
, mushrooms and tofu contain high levels of protein, a kind of nutrient presumably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
found in meat, and can
therefore
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a substitute.

Furthermore
, medical experiments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and medicines manufactured from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals’
body parts received
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
endorsement in the past. Nowadays, herbs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other types of plant-based medicines, such as ginseng, can cure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases, prolong human life expectancy, and aid medical practitioners in the treatment of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illnesses. More
seriously
, thousands of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, such as tigers and minks,
are killed
each year, with their fur taken to produce coats and accessories for the fashion industry. There are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
made from plants and artificial materials that can fulfill our needs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Animals
do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
The word 'suffer' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
suffer
for our needs anymore.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that our needs and desires do not justify the
The word 'suffering' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
suffering
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are no longer necessary. We can choose a
The word 'different' contains a ligature (joined letters). Modern English does not usually use ligatures. A ligature in a word causes a spelling error. If the word is an English word, write it with standard characters.
different
source of nourishment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
and clothing without any toll on wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the chart below shows the highest educational degree earned by King City residents and the average household size in King City from 1950 - 2000 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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