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The chart below shows the average weight of spoiled produce each week in British supermarkets since 1990 with predictions until 2030. v.1

The chart below shows the average weight of spoiled produce each week in British supermarkets since 1990 with predictions until 2030. v. 1
It is increasingly common for some people to feel that children should start learning a foreign language at primary school, instead of secondary level. While this could have many benefits and drawbacks. I strongly believe that the advantages are far more than the demerits. Looking firstly at the positives, a significant advantage is that the child age in the primary stage is more receptive to the information and learns faster as they are less self-conscious and shy. It’s also proved that lessons learnt in this age is remembered for the life. For instance, it’s evident that children enjoy practicing speech through games and learning and copying colleagues in primary institution could be a fun and effective learning. Moreover, unlike at secondary level, children learning a foreign dialect in primary stage will be more active and competitive. Further, language proficiency nowadays, are as critical as other subjects like mathematics or science. This means that, learning a foreign tongue at primary level could be pivotal for students to get best international job opportunities. As an example, with entire world becoming a global village, students with excellent foreign native tongue proficiency are now increasingly getting foreign job opportunities. However, children learning foreign dialect at primary academy also present some disadvantages, the most obvious of which is the nascent age of the students in the primary stage and already prevalent pressure on them to learn other important subjects like mathematics. To make matters worse, it has been shown that students in primary school who are under pressure to learn foreign tongue are at greater risk of becoming depressed. In conclusion, I believe that the merits of quickly adapting a new native tongue and development of a child into a competitive individual by learning a foreign speech at primary institution, outweighs the infrequent drawbacks of school pressure and depression.
It is
increasingly
common for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
language at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
school,
instead
of secondary level. While this could have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits and drawbacks. I
strongly
believe that the advantages are far more than the demerits.

Looking
firstly
at the positives, a significant advantage is that the child age in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
stage is more receptive to the information and learns faster as they are less self-conscious and shy. It’s
also
proved that lessons
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
in this age
is remembered
for the life.
For instance
, it’s evident that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy practicing speech through games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and copying colleagues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
institution could be a fun and effective learning.

Moreover
, unlike at secondary level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
dialect in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
stage will be more active and competitive.
Further
, language proficiency nowadays, are as critical as other subjects like mathematics or science. This means that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
level could be pivotal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
A determiner is probably missing here: "get the best".
get best
international job opportunities. As an example, with entire world becoming a global village,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
proficiency are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
increasingly
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
job opportunities.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
dialect at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
academy
also
present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages, the most obvious of which is the nascent age of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
stage and already prevalent pressure on them to learn other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects like mathematics. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
matters worse, it has
been shown
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
school who are under pressure to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
are at greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of becoming depressed.

In conclusion
, I believe that the merits of
quickly
adapting a new native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tongue
and development of a child into a competitive individual by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
speech at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
institution, outweighs the infrequent drawbacks of school pressure and depression.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay The chart below shows the average weight of spoiled produce each week in British supermarkets since 1990 with predictions until 2030. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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