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Cars are causing problem nowadays. However, use of bicycle has decreased. Why use of bicycle is decreasing and how can we enhance use of bicycle? v.1

Cars are causing problem nowadays. However, use of bicycle has decreased. Why use of bicycle is decreasing and how can we enhance use of bicycle? v. 1
In modern life, some people prefer travelling where conditions are harsh like the Sahra desert or the Antarctica on holiday. Spending time in that place has some advantages. This essay will take to benefit this travelling can have and also the disadvantages of their people. Evidence suggests the number of tourists who prefer to go to the conditions is difficult to increase. They understand about harsh climate and enjoy it. Because often people live in the city and don’t know about another climate. Moreover, they get a lot of experience. For example, last summer I climbed the Damavand mountain. I understood about their continent and environment. In addition, living in real life needs more experiences and understand other climates such as deserts. Further, people need excitement and it is a good choice. Despite this, that journey has some disadvantages. Because the harsh environment is a dangerous. Maybe have some dangerous animals or have bad weather. If people don’t ready for that situation, They are harmed. For example, when I went to the mountain, I didn’t know about the weather. The temperature was below zero in the summer. It was hard for me to endure that situation. In conclusion, every experience has advantages and disadvantages. However, if people care, they can decrease the disadvantages. Summary, considering the points discussed above, more people like to visit the harsh clime. However, this issue has some benefits for people and it’s more than the disadvantages. I think that journeys will increase in the future. Because more people live in the modern city and they need excitement.
In modern life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer travelling where conditions are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harsh
like the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sahra
desert or the Antarctica on holiday. Spending time in that place has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages. This essay will take to benefit this travelling can have and
also
the disadvantages of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Evidence suggests the number of tourists who prefer to go to the conditions is difficult to increase. They understand about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harsh
climate and enjoy it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the city and don’t know about another climate.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience.
For example
, last summer I climbed the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Damavand
mountain. I understood about their continent and environment.
In addition
, living in real life needs more experiences and understand other climates such as deserts.
Further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need excitement and it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice.

Despite this, that journey has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harsh
environment is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. Maybe have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
animals or have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
weather. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t ready for that situation, They
are harmed
.
For example
, when I went to the mountain, I didn’t know about the weather. The temperature was below zero in the summer. It was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for me to endure that situation.
In conclusion
, every experience has advantages and disadvantages.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care, they can decrease the disadvantages.

Summary, considering the points discussed above, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
harsh
clime.
However
, this issue has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it’s more than the disadvantages. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that journeys will increase in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the modern
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
city and
they need excitement.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Cars are causing problem nowadays. However, use of bicycle has decreased. Why use of bicycle is decreasing and how can we enhance use of bicycle? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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