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Some people think companies should employ old people to work as they have a lot of working experience. Others, however, think it is better to recruit young people. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think companies should employ old people to work as they have a lot of working experience. Others, however, think it is better to recruit young people. v. 1
It is true that water is considered as a natural resource that has been gifted for the whole human being. Therefore, it is argued that authorities should prohibit the selling of processed water in bottle. In my opinion, I totally disagree with the aforementioned assertion for relevant reasons. There are several reasons why it's very crucial to maintain the selling of bottled water for the whole society members. One key reason is that processed water is considered much cleaner than tap water, for instance, water in bottles is transparent like crystals, while tap water contains brown colour as a result of mixing with muds which contains lots of germs. The reason behind the high quality of bottled water is due to the chemical treatment that purify water from all muds and germs. Another relevant point, factories that make this kind of water provide a wide range of job opportunities, thus it helps a lot of employees to get enough salaries to satisfy their basic survival needs and to finance their expenses. If the government banned this kind of industry, a lot of factories would shut down and a considerable number of workers would lose their jobs. Consequently, the rate of unemployment would increase in addition to frequency of criminal activities, as people tend to steal money to get their basic needs. Furthermore, several governments, especially in developing countries, are unable to supply an adequate amount of water to the increasing population. Therefore, people can satisfy their demand of water through purchasing those bottles of processed water. In addition, bottled water does bring people a lot of convenience, as people can take bottles of water with them to work and travel, then use it almost whenever or wherever they wanted. Besides, there are numerous individuals tend to use their own water rather than using public facilities such as drinking fountains because this approach of getting water keeps them safe and away from being infected with harmful micro-organisms. Also, there are many patients who are prohibited to drink tap water due to health problems. For example, patients with previously treated for renal cancer satisfy their thirst by drinking bottled water as they are completely sterilized and free from carcinogenic predisposing factors. In conclusion, it seems that bottled water seems to have multiple crucial benefits, I therefore believe that government should not ban the selling of these water.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is considered
as a natural resource that has
been gifted
for the whole human being.
Therefore
, it
is argued
that authorities should prohibit the selling of processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottle
. In my opinion, I
totally
disagree with the aforementioned assertion for relevant reasons.

There are several reasons why it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial to maintain the selling of bottled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for the whole society members. One key reason is that processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is considered
much cleaner than tap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
,
for instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottles
is transparent like crystals, while tap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
contains brown
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
as a result
of mixing with
Possible spelling mistake found.
muds
which contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of germs. The reason behind the high quality of bottled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is due to the chemical treatment that purify
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
from all
Possible spelling mistake found.
muds
and germs. Another relevant point, factories that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
provide a wide range of job opportunities,
thus
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of employees to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
salaries to satisfy their basic survival needs and to finance their expenses. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
banned this kind of industry, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of factories would shut down and a considerable number of workers would lose their jobs.
Consequently
, the rate of unemployment would increase
in addition
to frequency of criminal activities, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to steal money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their basic needs.

Furthermore
, several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
,
especially
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, are unable to supply an adequate amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
to the increasing population.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can satisfy their demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
through purchasing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottles
of processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
In addition
, bottled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
does bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of convenience, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bottles
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
with them to work and travel, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it almost whenever or wherever they wanted.
Besides
, there are numerous individuals tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
rather
than using public facilities such as drinking fountains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this approach of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them safe and away from
being infected
with harmful micro-organisms.
Also
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
patients who
are prohibited
to drink tap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
due to health problems.
For example
, patients with previously treated for renal cancer satisfy their thirst by drinking bottled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
as they are completely sterilized and free from carcinogenic predisposing factors.

In conclusion
, it seems that bottled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
seems to have multiple crucial benefits, I
therefore
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not ban the selling of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think companies should employ old people to work as they have a lot of working experience. Others, however, think it is better to recruit young people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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