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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give more prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both view and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give more prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 1
In the last two decades, women have accessed and gained more place in the working market. Consequently, the time spent away from home and children has increased incredibly, which is a time that kids are not looked after by their mothers. Ultimately, young people will suffer problems such as increasing delinquency. In my opinion, being a working woman is not related to juvenile misbehaviour and this essay will explain why. Primarily, since the 1990´s mothers have been getting jobs at increasing rates, henceforth they are receiving a salary. This income is not only helping the familiar daily economy, but also allows access to a private education which is clearly a safer experience for kids. For example, many paid schools have the benefit of a full time schedule, keeping children away from the streets. In summary, having a high household income, which is easily achieved when both parents work, reduces the chances of youth-related crime. It is important to address that, although mothers spend long hours away from home to attend their jobs, it does not necessarily mean that they will neglect their children. Women have the ability to multitask in their activities and are more than capable of doing this correctly. Mothers can be there for their kids when arriving home, and from work as well. For instance, they can leave work to get them from school and take them to extracurricular classes. Not only by driving them, but also by helping them with homework and daily decisions, mothers are always taking care of their children. In conclusion, I disagree with the opinion that the increase in female jobs nowadays, will have a direct consequence in the rise of crime among adolescents. Oppositely, having extra salaries and quality time with children at home can make them happy and keep them away from criminal activities.
In the last two decades, women have accessed and gained more place in the working market.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has increased
incredibly
, which is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that kids are not looked after by their mothers.
Ultimately
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will suffer problems such as increasing delinquency. In my opinion, being a working woman is not related to juvenile
Possible spelling mistake. 'misbehaviour' is British English.
misbehaviour
and this essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why.

Primarily
, since the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1990s".
1990´s
mothers have been getting jobs at increasing rates, henceforth they are receiving a salary. This income is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helping the familiar daily economy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
access to a private education which is
clearly
a safer experience for kids.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
paid schools have the benefit of a full
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
schedule, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from the streets. In summary, having a high household income, which is
easily
achieved when both parents work,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the chances of youth-related crime.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to address that, although mothers spend long hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home to attend their jobs, it does not
necessarily
mean that they will neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Women have the ability to multitask in their activities and are more than capable of doing this
correctly
. Mothers can be there for their kids when arriving home, and from work
as well
.
For instance
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
them from school and take them to extracurricular classes. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by driving them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by helping them with homework and daily decisions, mothers are always taking care of their children.

In conclusion
, I disagree with the opinion that the increase in female jobs nowadays, will have a direct consequence in the rise of crime among adolescents.
Oppositely
, having extra salaries and quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from criminal activities.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give more prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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