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The chars below show the percentage of monthly household income spent on various items by two different groups in one European country. v.1

The chars below show the percentage of monthly household income spent on various items by two different groups in one European country. v. 1
Several people are of a viewpoint that educating the pupils at their residences is the most beneficial way for their progress; however, the opponents think that the schools play a greater role. This essay will discuss how constraint-free learning at homes and well-structured teaching at educational institutions are advantageous. In my opinion, the combination of schools and home learning is pivotal in an individual's life. On the one hand, learning at one's own house without any strict rules helps in better understanding of concepts. It is said that when students are free-minded, they grasp easily and retain for a long time; therefore, imparting long-lasting knowledge in them will surely help in their intellectual growth. For example, a recent survey in the UK has found that the educators who study only at home have greater conceptual knowledge than those who studied only at the schools. On the other hand, teaching children at school is the traditional method followed everywhere in the world, and is crucial for their advancement. Educational institutions have all the facilities that are required for teaching them; moreover, they have various teachers who have excellent skills and techniques to teach them in the best possible way. For instance, numerous studies have consistently found that if a child is not enrolled in a school, he or she will not be able to develop his potentials to the fullest. From my perception, both home and school learning play a vital role in a student's growth. Although the schools have all the facilities for educating young ones, the home is the best for self-study. To provide ample evidence, if a child does not do his homework given by the teachers at school, the personal growth is restricted. In conclusion, both schooling and studying at home are of paramount significance in a child's development. From my perspective, the absence of any of these will hamper their progress.
Several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of a viewpoint that educating the pupils at their residences is the most beneficial way for their progress;
however
, the opponents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play a greater role. This essay will discuss how constraint-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
and well-structured teaching at educational institutions are advantageous. In my opinion, the combination of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
is pivotal in an individual's life.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
at one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
without any strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in better understanding of concepts. It
is said
that when students are free-minded, they grasp
easily
and retain for a long time;
therefore
, imparting long-lasting knowledge in them will
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in their intellectual growth.
For example
, a recent survey in the UK has found that the educators who study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at home have greater conceptual knowledge than those who studied
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at the schools.

On the other hand
, teaching children at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the traditional method followed everywhere in the world, and is crucial for their advancement. Educational institutions have all the facilities that
are required
for teaching them;
moreover
, they have various teachers who have excellent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and techniques to teach them in the best possible way.
For instance
, numerous studies have
consistently
found that if a child is not enrolled in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, he or she will not be able to develop his potentials to the fullest.

From my perception, both home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
play a vital role in a student's growth. Although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have all the facilities for educating young ones, the home is the best for self-study. To provide ample evidence, if a child does not do his homework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the teachers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the personal growth
is restricted
.

In conclusion
, both schooling and studying at home are of paramount significance in a child's development. From my perspective, the absence
Consider simply using "of" instead.
of any of
these will hamper their progress.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The chars below show the percentage of monthly household income spent on various items by two different groups in one European country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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