Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will the predictions have in developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? v.1

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will the predictions have in developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? v. 1
The predictions show that the birth rate in industrial nations will decline over the next half of the century. Estimations have reported that over 30% of technologically advanced societies will get 65 years old and over by 2030. This alarming trend leads to decreasing population, tax incomes and active labour. Falling birth rate yields a plethora of hurdles. At first, the low rate of pregnancy among women results in declining the population of the country. Furthermore, this hitch causes the reduction of taxable incomes, so the government must spend a huge amount of budget for medical care and social services in order to support old people. Finally, the third obstacle of this condition is the plunge of an active workforce. On the other hand, economic experts have suggested a host of solutions for this upheaval. The first effective solution is fortifying incentive policies for rising fertility rate among young couples. As a prime example, the government can pay a subsidy for any newborn kids. In addition, the second technique of problem-solving that can reform this dilemma is expediting immigration of young skilled workers and experienced engineers from less developed countries. Nowadays, a wide spectrum of states implements this policy. As an outstanding instance, Australia has facilitated the entrance of migrants. Thus the government publishes a list of required labour in certain fields based on specific criteria annually. In conclusion, the drop of birth rate escalates a number of challenges such as shortage of labour forces, the peak of old age group and the exacerbate of social services and health cares. These disastrous crises can be modified by executing beneficial methods like the financial support of couples for raise of fertility and accelerating of immigration processes.
The predictions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that the birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in industrial nations will decline over the
next
half of the century. Estimations have reported that over 30% of
technologically
advanced societies will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
65 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and over by 2030. This alarming trend leads to decreasing population, tax incomes and active
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.

Falling birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
yields a plethora of hurdles. At
first
, the low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of pregnancy among women results in declining the population of the country.
Furthermore
, this hitch causes the reduction of taxable incomes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend a huge amount of budget for medical care and social services in order to support
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Finally
, the third obstacle of this condition is the plunge of an active workforce.

On the other hand
, economic experts have suggested a host of solutions for this upheaval. The
first
effective solution is fortifying incentive policies for rising fertility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
among young couples. As a prime example, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can pay a subsidy for any newborn kids.
In addition
, the second technique of problem-solving that can reform this dilemma is expediting immigration of young skilled workers and experienced engineers from less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
. Nowadays, a wide spectrum of states implements this policy. As an outstanding instance, Australia has facilitated the entrance of migrants.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
publishes a list of required
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
in certain fields based on specific criteria
annually
.

In conclusion
, the drop of birth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
escalates a number of challenges such as shortage of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
forces, the peak of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age group and
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'exacerbate' is correct. If 'exacerbate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the exacerbate
of social services and health cares. These disastrous crises can
be modified
by executing beneficial methods like the financial support of couples for raise of fertility and accelerating of immigration processes.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one-third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will the predictions have in developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts