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The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words v.2

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 2
A large proportion of the world's population is currently in the age group of 25-50 years; however, it translates to the fact that this huge proportion will join the dependent sector of the economy by the end of this decade. This can have a detrimental effect on the socio-economical aspect of a country, hence it is vital to find ways to deal with the situation before it becomes a reality. In this essay, let us get a glimpse on this seemingly subtle problem and look for ideas to combat what could soon be a massive threat to global-economy. Decreasing birth rates and increasing life expectancies will increase the average national age, thereby adding pressure on the government to provide more funds for the dependent population. In other words, the proportion of people in the work force will be significantly lower than the proportion of people who will be retired and thus requiring benefits for sustenance. To illustrate, when the gross national age increased in the UK, the NHS had to hire more people and more funds had to be alloted to the NHS. Such diversions of funds for maintenance rather than for developmental purposes can be a threat to the economy. Dealing with the problem, once it has occurred is almost implausible. Thus, it is important to act faster to achieve the desired results. Foremost, we need to keep track of the overall birth rates, identify lacunae and address the areas swiftly and efficiently. Moreover, sufficient funds must be channelled to further research in epidemiology. In order to prevent the gross national age from plummeting, the key is to prevent the decline of birth rates. To conclude, epidemiological studies have anticipated that more than 33% of the people in the developed world will be over the age of 65, at the end of this decade and that will leave a devastating effect on the economy. Hence, it is important to identify the key problem zones before time runs out.
A large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of the world's population is
currently
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group of 25-50 years;
however
, it translates to the fact that this huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the dependent sector of the economy by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this decade. This can have a detrimental effect on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-economical
aspect of a country,
hence
it is vital to find ways to deal with the situation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it becomes a reality. In this essay,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a glimpse on this
seemingly
subtle problem and look for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to combat what could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
be a massive threat to global-economy.

Decreasing birth rates and increasing life expectancies will increase the average national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, thereby adding pressure on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to provide more funds for the dependent population.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the work force will be
significantly
lower than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who will
be retired
and
thus
requiring benefits for sustenance. To illustrate, when the gross national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
increased in the UK, the NHS had to hire more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and more funds had to be
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "allotted", the past tense form of the verb 'allot'?
alloted
to the NHS. Such diversions of funds for maintenance
rather
than for developmental purposes can be a threat to the economy.

Dealing with the problem, once it has occurred is almost implausible.
Thus
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to act faster to achieve the desired results. Foremost, we need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of the
overall
birth rates, identify lacunae and address the areas
swiftly
and
efficiently
.
Moreover
, sufficient funds
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be channelled
to
further
research in epidemiology. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the gross national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from plummeting, the key is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the decline of birth rates.

To conclude
, epidemiological studies have anticipated that more than 33% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the developed world will be over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this decade and that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a devastating effect on the economy.
Hence
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to identify the key problem zones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
time runs out.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over: What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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