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The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? v.3

The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? v. 3
Aging has become a major issue for many countries nowadays. It has been observed that the majority of people would have aged over 65 years by 2030 in the most developed nations. This essay will enlist the possible predictions along with suggesting measures to curb the issue. There is numerous possibility of this phenomenon. Firstly, there would be fewer work-forces in the future which could participate in the development of the nation. This may result in a slowdown of economical growth. For instance, if there were fewer young people in the job market, it would hamper the growth of companies as the unavailability of manpower may affect the flow of routine operations. Secondly, a significant increase in unproductive class may act as a burden on the government. This is because, since these people will no longer be able to work, there would be not only a substantial reduction in the tax collection but also a noticeable increase in the compensation of retirement benefits. As a result, the young age working class would witness the excessive burden of tax. Fortunately, there are some possible solutions to encounter the said situations. To begin with, officials can increase the prefixed limit of retirement age. This would alleviate the estimated shortage of manpower, balancing the demand of the required workforce. Additionally, the modified retirement age would extend the tax earning of people who were planning to retire early, which enables better financial liquidity. Furthermore, by encouraging people about self financial planning, the government can introduce cut down in the retirement benefit schemes. For example, personal savings and finances would surely help individuals in their later stage of life, or any emergency, and make them self independent even after their retirement. As a result, there would be less strain on national finances, allowing authorities to utilize funds in national development schemes. To conclude, a decline in human force and excessive burden on government finances can be considered as primary causes of these predictions. If means like extension in retirement age and self-funding are implemented appropriately, the issue can be dealt with.
Aging has become a major issue for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries nowadays. It has
been observed
that the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have aged over 65 years by 2030 in the most developed nations. This essay will enlist the possible predictions along with suggesting measures to curb the issue.

There is numerous possibility of this phenomenon.
Firstly
, there would be fewer work-forces in the future which could participate in the development of the nation. This may result in a slowdown of
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth.
For instance
, if there were fewer young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the job market, it would hamper the growth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as the unavailability of manpower may affect the flow of routine operations.
Secondly
, a significant increase in unproductive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
may act as a burden on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, since these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will no longer be able to work, there would be not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a substantial reduction in the tax collection
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a noticeable increase in the compensation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
benefits.
As a result
, the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
would witness the excessive burden of tax.

Fortunately
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions to encounter the said situations. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, officials can increase the prefixed limit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. This would alleviate the estimated shortage of manpower, balancing the demand of the required workforce.
Additionally
, the modified
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
would extend the tax earning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were planning to retire early, which enables better financial liquidity.
Furthermore
, by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about self financial planning, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can introduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
benefit schemes.
For example
, personal savings and finances would
surely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
individuals in their later stage of life, or any emergency, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them self independent even after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
.
As a result
, there would be less strain on national finances, allowing authorities to utilize funds in national development schemes.

To conclude
, a decline in human force and excessive burden on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
finances can
be considered
as primary causes of these predictions. If means like extension in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
and self-funding
are implemented
appropriately
, the issue can
be dealt
with.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall over the next 50 years. By 2030 it is estimated that over one third of the population in most developed countries will be aged 65 and over. What effects will these predictions have on developed countries if they prove true? What can be done now to deal with this situation? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
346 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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