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The best way to understand other culture is to work in a multinational organization. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The best way to understand other culture is to work in a multinational organization. v. 1
In recent years, the acceptance of various cultures has become a societal norm. Some suggest that cooperating with people of mixed cultures in career is a concrete first step to understanding different practices. I am inclined to agree with this assertion; however, it is with the stipulation that measures be carried out to prevent clashes. For a start, this suggestion exposes the individual to the reality of international cultures. There is a plethora of evidence that illustrates that the more exposed the person is to fresh experiences, the quicker reality dawns on them. For instance, Hong Kong is a flawless illustration. The multi-cultural city involves diverse nationalities within organisations, and, as a result, brings about a peaceful understanding of other cultures. As any other sensible individual, the victim will adapt rapidly to click with other cultures. Additionally, an international coworker may click with a certain individual. Not only does this establish a healthy vibe, but also brings forth the embracing of different customs and practices, as well as opening and widening the individual’s perspective. For example, such friendship bond allows the individual to continue learning about diverse cultures, as a chain reaction to expand their understanding. Admittedly, occasional clashes may occur; yet, it is of paramount importance that these bonds are mended. In conclusion, I strongly reaffirm my stance that it is mandatory for citizens to work together for a natural acceptance of other practices to take place. It is hoped that this measure will combine the worlds in hopes of a more harmonious future.
In recent years, the acceptance of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
has become a societal norm.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
suggest that cooperating with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of mixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
in career is a concrete
first
step to understanding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
practices. I
am inclined
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion;
however
, it is with the stipulation that measures
be carried
out to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
clashes.

For a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
, this suggestion exposes the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to the reality of international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. There is a plethora of evidence that illustrates that the more exposed the person is to fresh experiences, the quicker reality dawns on them.
For instance
, Hong Kong is a flawless illustration. The multi-cultural city involves diverse nationalities within
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, and,
as a result
, brings about a peaceful understanding of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. As any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sensible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, the victim will adapt
rapidly
to click with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures.

Additionally
, an international coworker may click with a certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does this establish a healthy vibe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brings forth the embracing of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
customs and practices,
as well
as opening and widening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual’s
perspective.
For example
, such friendship bond
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to continue learning about diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, as a chain reaction to expand their understanding.
Admittedly
, occasional clashes may occur;
yet
, it is of paramount importance that these bonds
are mended
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
reaffirm my stance that it is mandatory for citizens to work together for a natural acceptance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
practices to take place. It
is hoped
that this measure will combine the worlds in hopes of a more harmonious future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay The best way to understand other culture is to work in a multinational organization. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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