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The increase in tourism has led to the destruction of the environment, thus tourism ought to be banned in certain areas. What is your opinion? v.2

The increase in tourism has led to the destruction of the environment, thus tourism ought to be banned in certain areas. What is your opinion? v. 2
These days the surroundings are facing dismantle due to the expansion of travellers. Consequently, few places are necessary to be prohibited for visitors. I totally disagree with the opinion. This essay will justify my point of not restricting tourists visiting the places. To begin with, some believe tourism should be banned in a few places in order to maintain, beauty of the place. Firstly, history and culture have always been an attraction towards tourism. Hence, it not only benefits the place in economic growth, but also in country’s brand value. For example, people around the world would love to visit Paris to see the Eiffel Tower, which is known as one of the best masterpieces in the world. Therefore, this helps in attracting more tourist and profits to the nation. Secondly, tourism is a major revenue for several countries. Due to high dependency on tourism, could lead to the downfall of the region. To cite an instance, Maldives rewarded by the tourists as the most breathtaking and heavenly place to visit and if the government bans tourism as a result, it would affect the nation food and shelter who majorly depends upon the tourist money. However, there are few lands who have taken preventive measures to save the place like people are not allowed to take pictures or touch the art of the place. To illustrate, Goa is known for its seashore and party life, but there were times when empty alcohol bottles were flowing into the ocean, due to which government took a preservative measure of restricting alcohol consumption near beaches. These preventive measures will not only prevent nation revenue, but also the nature. To conclude, disallowing visitors in certain places would not only affect the revenue, but also the country’s brand value. Therefore, taking preventive measure would secure the district.
These days the surroundings are facing dismantle due to the expansion of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.
Consequently
, few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are necessary to
be prohibited
for visitors. I
totally
disagree with the opinion. This essay will justify my point of not restricting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting the places.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
should
be banned
in a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in order to maintain, beauty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
.
Firstly
, history and culture have always been an attraction towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
.
Hence
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
benefits the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in economic growth,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in country’s brand value.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to visit Paris to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the Eiffel Tower, which
is known
as one of the best masterpieces in the world.
Therefore
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in attracting more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
and profits to the nation.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
is a major revenue for several countries. Due to high dependency on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, could lead to the downfall of the region. To cite an instance, Maldives rewarded by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
as the most breathtaking and heavenly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to visit and if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
bans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
as a result
, it would affect the nation food and shelter who
majorly
depends upon the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
money.
However
, there are few lands who have taken preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take pictures or touch the art of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
. To illustrate, Goa
is known
for its seashore and party life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there were times when empty alcohol bottles were flowing into the ocean, due to which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
took a preservative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
of restricting alcohol consumption near beaches. These preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
nation revenue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the nature.

To conclude
, disallowing visitors in certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affect the revenue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the country’s brand value.
Therefore
, taking preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measure
would secure the district.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The increase in tourism has led to the destruction of the environment, thus tourism ought to be banned in certain areas. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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