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The best way to reduce youth crimes is to teach their parents parental skills To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to teach their parents parental skills v. 2
The raising number of young criminals has become a significant problem for the society nowadays. Thus, some people think that parental lessons must be delivered to the parents in order to reduce youth crimes. In my opinion, I believe teaching parents how to raise their children is not the only effective method to deal with the problem of young criminals. On the one hand, it does help to reduce youth crimes when parents have the fundamental skills of parenting. Because human’s behavior mostly develops by imitating the parents at early stage of life, a good set of parenting skills will have huge impact on the children. Thus, with good characters and personalities being built up from childhood, children will have a concept of staying out of troubles when they grow up. Such concept then convinces them to not commit any crimes. As a result, the number of criminals at young ages will be reduced significantly. On the other hand, there are several other solutions to stop the increasing number of youth criminals. Firstly, pushing more lessons of penalties of illegal crimes to educational system is also an essential way to impinge the youth’s behavior. For instance, when youngsters are aware of harsh punishments given after committing crimes, they will have to think twice before getting into troubles because they now fear of the consequences. Secondly, governments can improve public security system by adding more surveillance cameras and police officers on the street. Such method will greatly reduce the crimes committed not only by the youth but also by older people. In conclusion, I believe teaching parenting skills is not the best method to reduce youth crimes. Instead, such method needs to combine with a few other ways to effectively tackle the problem.
The raising number of young criminals has become a significant problem for the society nowadays.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that parental lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be delivered
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. In my opinion, I believe teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
how to raise their children is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
to deal with the problem of young criminals.

On the one hand, it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the fundamental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of parenting.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
human’s behavior
mostly
develops by imitating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
at early stage of life, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
set of parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will have huge impact on the children.
Thus
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
characters and personalities
being built
up from childhood, children will have a concept of staying out of troubles when they grow up. Such concept then convinces them to not commit any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
As a result
, the number of criminals at young ages will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
significantly
.

On the other hand
, there are several other solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
criminals.
Firstly
, pushing more lessons of penalties of illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to educational system is
also
an essential way to impinge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth’s
behavior.
For instance
, when youngsters are aware of harsh punishments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
after committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, they will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting into troubles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
fear of the consequences.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
public security system by adding more surveillance cameras and police officers on the street. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
will
greatly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I believe teaching parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
is not the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Instead
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
method
needs to combine with a few other ways to
effectively
tackle the problem.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The best way to reduce youth crimes is to teach their parents parental skills v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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