Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Everybody should expect to have more than one career these days. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

Everybody should expect to have more than one career these days. v. 1
A controversy has arisen over the issue of whether additional occupations are warranted to be taken or not. In spite of all arguments in favor of having a specific job, as the society has witnessed a crippled economy and job insecurity recently, it is evident that more careers would bring about more safety into lives. First of all, the current economic climate has brought in its wake a variety detrimental effects one of which is the low value of currency. Due to this fact, more efforts are required to supply the fundamental requirements. Accepting different jobs can be considered as a good solution benefiting people from more salary to afford the needs. For instance, in the past, it was possible to rent a flat with 200$ per month. Today, nonetheless, twofold expenditure is needed to provide the aforementioned house. Never could an individual afford this vast amount of money unless by contributing to more activities. Even more disturbing, though, is the lack of job security. Determined to run a business effectively, companies are inclined to hire experts with magnificent qualities even at a cost to their own experienced employees. This new approach impel people to look for more jobs to guarantee their financial status. Indeed, had job security existed, staff would have concentrated more on their own responsibilities instead of looking for additional occupations to save a substitute for a rainy day. By way of conclusion, I reaffirmed my position that due to current social issues entailing economic problems and job insecurity, people need to accept more jobs.
A controversy has arisen over the issue of whether additional occupations
are warranted
to
be taken
or not.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
all arguments in favor of having a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, as the society has witnessed a crippled economy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
insecurity recently, it is evident that more careers would bring about more safety into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
economic climate has brought in its wake a variety detrimental effects one of which is the low value of currency. Due to this fact, more efforts
are required
to supply the fundamental requirements. Accepting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
can
be considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
solution benefiting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from more salary to afford the needs.
For instance
, in the past, it was possible to rent a flat with
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$200".
200$
per month.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, nonetheless, twofold expenditure
is needed
to provide the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Never could an individual afford this vast amount of money unless by contributing to more activities.

Even more disturbing, though, is the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security. Determined to run a business
effectively
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are inclined
to hire experts with magnificent qualities even at a cost to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experienced employees. This new approach impel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to look for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to guarantee their financial status.
Indeed
, had
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security existed, staff would have concentrated more on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibilities
instead
of looking for additional occupations to save a substitute for a rainy day.

By way of conclusion, I reaffirmed my position that due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
social issues entailing economic problems and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
insecurity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to accept more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Everybody should expect to have more than one career these days. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts