Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

people nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. what do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects in individuals and people around them? v.4

people nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. what do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects in individuals and people around them? v. 4
People today don’t get as much as sleep they did in the past. There is a reason causing this issue affecting not only their own life but also relatives and associates. We are living in an era in which social status emerges in wealth and success. So, if people want to be respected by society, they should put effort into their jobs and shoulder various responsibilities. Due to this fact, there is no enough time for other activities such as sleep. In contrast, providing a convenient lifestyle that money and success didn’t play a major role in, the approach to the life was much easier in the past. People had been living their simple lives until the arrival of modern life impelled them to restrict some activities such as sleep to work harder. Unfortunately, the lack of sleep has led to detrimental effects on humans’ life. As it is proved, the amount of sleep and mental health are inextricably bound up with each other. Hence, lack of sleep exerts a negative influence over individual’s mental stability. Low concentration and tiredness can be mentioned as two main consequences bringing about less efficiency. As a result, job mistakes go up rapidly and spoil not only the individual’s work but also the team. To compensate these mistakes, people should work even harder and they would be caught in a vicious circle: The more they work, the less they can sleep. Furthermore, it also hurt their relationships. As mental instability, they wouldn’t be inclined to communicate and would distant from their relatives which is hurtful for both sides. Having said that, people don’t sleep as much as before to work more. This happening results in mental disorders such as lack of concentration and tiredness. The effects of these predicaments are not only confined to sleepers but also their acquaintances.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
they did in the past. There is a reason causing this issue affecting not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
relatives and associates.

We are living in an era in which social status emerges in wealth and success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
want to
be respected
by society, they should put effort into their jobs and shoulder various responsibilities. Due to this fact, there is no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time for other activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
In contrast
, providing a convenient lifestyle that money and success didn’t play a major role in, the approach to the life was much easier in the past.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
had been living their simple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
until the arrival of modern life impelled them to restrict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder. Unfortunately, the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
has led to detrimental effects on humans’ life.

As it
is proved
, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health are
inextricably
bound up with each other.
Hence
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
exerts a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence over individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
stability. Low concentration and tiredness can
be mentioned
as two main consequences bringing about less efficiency.
As a result
, job mistakes go up
rapidly
and spoil not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the individual’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the team. To compensate these mistakes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
harder and
they would
be caught
in a vicious circle: The more they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, the less they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
.
Furthermore
, it
also
hurt their relationships. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
instability, they wouldn’t
be inclined
to communicate and would distant from their relatives which is hurtful for both sides.

Having said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sleep
as much as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more. This happening results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
disorders such as lack of concentration and tiredness. The effects of these predicaments are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
confined to sleepers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their acquaintances.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay people nowadays sleep less than they used to in the past. what do you think is the reason behind this? what are the effects in individuals and people around them? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts