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The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. To what extent you agree or disagree? v.1

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. v. 1
It is argued by some people that employees should join the high salary jobs and this will reflect on the stability of their families. Although money is on the priorities for most people who search for new jobs, I believe that it is not the only factor. This essay will discuss the importance of high income for the families as well as the impact of other factors on the individuals. To begin with, there are some reasons why the high salary is one of the significant factors when the employee chooses his occupation. One reason is if people earn more money, their families will live secured. A prime example is a good income helps all family members to purchase all assorted types of food. Moreover, people can travel abroad for tourism or even to study if they have sufficient financial resources. Hence, it is suggested that people should search for jobs with good income which help them to find the safe life they wish. However, there are other points which should be in consideration when the one chooses his new work. In other words, if people have passion and interest in their work, they will continue in positions for several years. For instance, individuals work in a friendly environment which enables them to enjoy when they doing the daily tasks of work and show more interest during duty times can be promoted faster and achieving career progress. Having given this example, it is clear that some people do not think that money is not enough factor to choose their jobs. In conclusion, after the essay has shown the benefits of high salaries for people life`s stability and the other factors for choosing jobs. In my opinion, passion, interest and friendly work environment are essential factors when people choose job as well as high income.
It
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that employees should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and this will reflect on the stability of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. Although money is on the priorities for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who search for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, I believe that it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
. This essay will discuss the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
as well
as the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
on the individuals.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salary is one of the significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
when the employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
his occupation. One reason is if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn more money, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
secured. A prime example is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
all assorted types of food.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can travel abroad for tourism or even to study if they have sufficient financial resources.
Hence
, it
is suggested
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should search for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
which
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
the safe life they wish.

However
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
points which should be in consideration when the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chooses
his new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have passion and interest in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they will continue in positions for several years.
For instance
, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a friendly environment which enables them to enjoy when
Did you mean "they're doing", "they are doing", or "they were doing"?
they doing
the daily tasks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more interest during duty times can
be promoted
faster and achieving career progress. Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
this example, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that money is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their jobs.

In conclusion
, after the essay has shown the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
salaries for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
The character between 'life' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "life’s" (curly apostrophe) or "life's" (straight apostrophe).
life`s
stability and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
for choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. In my opinion, passion, interest and friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment are essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
income
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The best way to reduce youth crimes is to educate their parents with parental skills. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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