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Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. v. 1
It is commonly considered by many that the most effective method to achieve the highest level of fitness is joining a gym, whereas others tend to oppose this idea and believe that regular daily exercises are enough to stay fit and health. In my opinion, it depends upon an individual’s goal like, if one chooses to have a Rockstar body, then signing up for the health club is essential. Nowadays, people are very conscious of their health and body. They spend most of their time watching Television and browsing Social Media, where famous celebrities post their picture with abs and attractive muscles. As a result, people prefer to have their own body like athletes, which is only possible with proper gym schedule and the health diet. Additionally, doctors recommend joining the health club to patients, who have heart related diseases. The reason being, heart patients need exercises which involve high blood flow through the vessels and the nerves, and gym mostly focuses on the aerobic exercises. Thus, gym plays a significant role in toning up of muscles and reducing the heart diseases. On the other hand, some people opine that regular day to day activities are enough to achieve an optimal level of fitness. That is to say, if the person wants to stay fit, he necessarily does not have to hit the gym. Instead, he can walk to the bus stand, take the stairs instead of elevators, run most of the essential errands on the foot, spare some time for the walk and jogging in the evening or morning. Additionally, most of the jobs demand manual work such as lifting heavy weights, walking door to door. Therefore, signing up for health club is not mandatory, but it is an individual choice. Furthermore, in a modern society, there are a variety of electronic gadgets available to track fitness including Fitbit Versa and Apple Watch. Thus, people should make the use of such tools to stay fit and healthy. To conclude, people can stay fit and active with the routine exercises. However, the heath clubs are necessary to develop muscles, body tone and decrease diseases.
It is
commonly
considered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the most effective method to achieve the highest level of fitness is joining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
, whereas others tend to oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that regular daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. In my opinion, it depends upon an individual’s goal like, if one chooses to have a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Rockstar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, then signing up for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
is essential.

Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
conscious of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
. They spend most of their time watching Television and browsing Social Media, where
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
post their picture with abs and attractive muscles.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
like athletes, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible with proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
schedule and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
diet.
Additionally
, doctors recommend joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
to patients, who have heart related diseases. The reason being, heart patients need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
which involve high blood flow through the vessels and the nerves, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
mostly
focuses on the aerobic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
plays a significant role in toning up of muscles and reducing the heart diseases.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opine that regular
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to achieve an optimal level of fitness.
That is
to say, if the person wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
, he
necessarily
does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
.
Instead
, he can walk to the bus stand, take the stairs
instead
of elevators, run most of the essential errands on the foot, spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time for the walk and jogging in the evening or morning.
Additionally
, most of the jobs demand manual work such as lifting heavy weights, walking door to door.
Therefore
, signing up for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
is not mandatory,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is an individual choice.
Furthermore
, in a modern society, there are a variety of electronic gadgets available to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
fitness including Fitbit Versa and Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Watch
.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such tools to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and healthy.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fit
and active with the routine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
.
However
, the heath
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clubs
are necessary to develop muscles,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
tone and decrease diseases.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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