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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.11

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 11
It is thought that it is more beneficial to choose a job with high wage regardless of the nature of the job. In my opinion, I totally agree with this point of view as getting a high remuneration benefits an individual. Firstly, standard of living, nowadays, requires a lot of expenses because of the increasing life pressures. The high salary enables the master of the household to meet home requirement; such as luxurious house fees of schools and universities, buying a car, clothes, afford to entertain the children, and manage to ensure comfortable life. So, some people who apply for any jobs ask about the salary and consider that basic condition to accept or refuse the job regardless of the nature of job. Therefore, having high wage ensure the comfortable life for any person. On the contrary, when the employee does not have the high remuneration he will not be able to satisfy what is needed for their families, which makes them unsatisfied and disappointed. As a result they might be exposed to diseases such as high blood pressure and depression. Secondly, when a company pays a high salary to their employees, they will be motivated, content and enthusiastic to do their best to achieve the progress and prosperity for their firm. Moreover, the high salary gives the employees feeling of security and peace of mind which creates an appropriate atmosphere for work and performance. In conclusion, I think getting high salary is more beneficial than job satisfaction because it encourages the employees to work keenly and, in addition, accomplishment of happiness and welfare for the employees.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that it is more beneficial to choose a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage regardless of the nature of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view as getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration benefits an individual.

Firstly
, standard of living, nowadays, requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
expenses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the increasing life pressures. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
enables the master of the household to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
home requirement; such as luxurious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
fees of schools and universities, buying a car, clothes, afford to entertain the children, and manage to ensure comfortable life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who apply for any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
ask about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
and consider that basic condition to accept or refuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
regardless of the nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Therefore
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage ensure the comfortable life for any person.
On the contrary
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
does not have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
remuneration he will not be able to satisfy what
is needed
for their families, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unsatisfied and disappointed.
As a result
they might
be exposed
to diseases such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
blood pressure and depression.

Secondly
, when a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
pays a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, they will
be motivated
, content and enthusiastic to do their best to achieve the progress and prosperity for their firm.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
gives the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
feeling of security and peace of mind which creates an appropriate atmosphere for work and performance.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
is more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it encourages the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to work
keenly
and,
in addition
, accomplishment of happiness and welfare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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