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The best way to improve children’s life is fathers and mothers attending course for parenting and child development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The best way to improve children’s life is fathers and mothers attending course for parenting and child development. v. 1
We have witnessed many incidents relating to children due to the inadequate or inappropriate ways of raising a child of parents. To a certain degree, I believe that taking part in classes of parenting and child development would be a reasonable solution; however, I would argue that there are other alternatives to take in order to raise children. On the one hand, courses for parenting and child development are required as they are conducted for a better mean of taking care of children. It is no doubt true that by joining these classes, parents stand a great chance of increasing their knowledge about nourishing their children. For instance, in Vietnam, more than 80% of parents agree that they cannot learn how to communicate properly with their children without these classes. Furthermore, parenting is a complex and tiring job; therefore, those people who are parents can lessen their stress by having more people sharing same circumstances through these courses. Along with acknowledging raising a child, parents sometimes need to have friends to listen to them and help them in time. On the other hand, taking classes for parenting is considered not an ultimate choice since there are other means of learning these skills. Firstly, people can have experiences from their parents, grandparents of their kids. Although some elderly might have different ways of caring for children, most of these required skills are the same regardless of the age and era. Secondly, if some grandparents are no longer alive or unable to approach, parents still have another alternative by using the internet. It is no doubt true that learning to be parents through the internet can lead to certain misconceptions, some of the information is reliable and can be adopted. In conclusion, being a parent will never be considered an easy work as there are a lot of things to acquire. However, I believe that besides taking courses for parenting, there are other alternatives should not be neglected.
We have witnessed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
incidents relating to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
due to the inadequate or inappropriate ways of raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. To a certain degree, I believe that taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
development would be a reasonable solution;
however
, I would argue that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternatives to take in order to raise children.

On the one hand, courses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
development
are required
as they
are conducted
for a better mean of taking care of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It is no doubt true that by joining these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
stand a great chance of increasing their knowledge about nourishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For instance
, in Vietnam, more than 80% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they cannot learn how to communicate
properly
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is a complex and tiring job;
therefore
, those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can lessen their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
by having more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
sharing same circumstances through these courses. Along with acknowledging raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
need to have friends to listen to them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in time.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is considered
not an ultimate choice since there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
means of learning these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can have experiences from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, grandparents of their kids. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
elderly might have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of caring for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, most of these required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are the same regardless of the age and era.
Secondly
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
grandparents are no longer alive or unable to approach,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
still
have another alternative by using the internet. It is no doubt true that learning to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
through the internet can lead to certain misconceptions,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
information is reliable and can
be adopted
.

In conclusion
, being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
will never
be considered
an easy work as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things to acquire.
However
, I believe that
besides
taking courses for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
alternatives should not
be neglected
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The best way to improve children’s life is fathers and mothers attending course for parenting and child development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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