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The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001 v.2

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001 v. 2
Many grown ups rarely do exercise. Some individuals are of the opinion that a method of motivating adults is broadcasting sporting events on television, others think grown ups are better encouraged using other means. In my opinion, there are better methods to inspire adults to exercise more. This essay will examine these two views. One reason people feel that the broadcast of sports will inspire grown ups to exercise is because of idolization. Many individuals tend to idolize or admire others who are successful in their careers, and this includes sport celebrities. Beyond admiration, they want to behave like them and participate in activities these celebrities participate in. For instance, a fan who sees Ronaldo running a 400-meter race on the television might decide to do the same the next day. On the other hand, others, myself included, think there are better ways to inspire people to participate in exercises. One way is a worldwide campaign on the importance of exercising to increase the awareness. Many individuals are not encouraged to do exercises because they do not know the importance and, therefore, see it as a waste of time. Another way is by making gyms and fitting centres affordable. This is because some individuals would like to engage in some fitness activities, however, the cost are too enormous to afford. In conclusion, some people think that showing fitness event on the media will encourage people to exercise more, others feel that there are better means to do this. This essay examined these two sides.
Many
grown ups
rarely do
exercise
.
Some
individuals
are of the opinion that a method of motivating adults is broadcasting sporting
events
on television, others
think
grown ups
are
better
encouraged using
other
means. In my opinion, there are
better
methods to inspire adults to
exercise
more. This essay will examine these two views.

One reason
people
feel that the broadcast of sports will inspire
grown ups
to
exercise
is
because
of idolization.
Many
individuals
tend to idolize or admire others who are successful in their careers, and this includes sport celebrities. Beyond admiration, they want to behave like them and participate in activities these celebrities participate in.
For instance
, a fan who
sees
Ronaldo running a 400-meter race on the television might decide to do the same the
next
day.

On the
other
hand, others, myself included,
think
there are
better
ways to inspire
people
to participate in
exercises
. One way is a worldwide campaign on the importance of exercising to increase the awareness.
Many
individuals
are not encouraged to do
exercises
because
they do not know the importance and,
therefore
,
see
it as a waste of time. Another way is by making gyms and fitting
centres
affordable. This is
because
some
individuals
would like to engage in
some
fitness activities,
however
, the cost are too enormous to afford.

In conclusion
,
some
people
think
that showing fitness
event
on the media will encourage
people
to
exercise
more, others feel that there are
better
means to do this. This essay examined these two sides.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001 v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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