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the bar chart below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v.1

the bar chart below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v. 1
A lot of people should concentrate on consuming healthy meal which is plant based, and also rich in vitamins as well. Consuming a lot of protein based foods can result in terrible sicknesses like diabetes and heart problems. In my opinion, although eating a lot of vegetables is certainly a beneficial option, eating a balanced diet, which has a good amount of vegetables and meat is also important. Firstly, it must be admitted that eating vegan meals are good for the system, considering the number of health issues caused by consuming poultry these days. Foods filled with lots of vitamins and minerals are certainly beneficial. Take for instance, someone that eats more vegetables like carrots, cucumbers, celery and others, the person most likely will have more functional organs, compared with another person who basically feeds on meat. However, while focusing on a vegan diet as a very healthy meal, not all types of poultry are detrimental to health. For example, fish, turkey as well as chicken is quite beneficial to the system as they contain essential oils for the growth and development of some organs in a human. They are also recommended by some medical professionals to be consumed once a week to improve the total metabolism. When eaten in moderation, along side some vegan meals, it can be the best combination of the meals. In conclusion, the most important thing is to eat a balanced diet, which is comprised of some vegetables and also healthy fish and chicken. This will offer the body the essential nutrients it needs to function optimally.
A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should concentrate on consuming healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
which is plant based, and
also
rich in vitamins
as well
. Consuming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of protein based foods can result in terrible sicknesses like diabetes and heart problems. In my opinion, although eating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
is
certainly
a beneficial option, eating a balanced diet, which has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
and meat is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that eating vegan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the system, considering the number of health issues caused by consuming poultry these days. Foods filled with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of vitamins and minerals are
certainly
beneficial. Take
for instance
, someone that eats more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
like carrots, cucumbers, celery
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
, the person most likely will have more functional organs, compared with another person who
basically
feeds on meat.

However
, while focusing on a vegan diet as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
, not all types of poultry are detrimental to health.
For example
, fish, turkey
as well
as chicken is quite beneficial to the system as they contain essential oils for the growth and development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
organs in a human. They are
also
recommended by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
medical professionals to
be consumed
once a week to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the total metabolism. When eaten in moderation,
Did you mean "alongside"?
along side
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vegan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meals
, it can be the best combination of the meals.

In conclusion
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing is to eat a balanced diet, which
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of" or "is composed of"?
is comprised of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vegetables
and
also
healthy fish and chicken. This will offer the body the essential nutrients it needs to function
optimally
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay the bar chart below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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