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People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v.5

People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 5
Technology has taken over by leaps and bounds. The advent of the internet and cellular devices has a huge impact on the way we deal with our basic necessities. However, as luring the technology is, there are also a few setbacks caused by it. In this essay, we shall discuss the merits and demerits of this and try to find a possible conclusion. In the modern world, mobile phones and internet has become a daily requirement. Many people rely on them for personal as well as professional use. For example, the internet provides an array of information from different parts of the world in fractional amount of time. Additionally, communication has become faster and efficient through online messages or calls. Moreover, people rely on application available online to stream news or even to buy or sell products. In addition to this, many individual uses the world wide web to open business online or advertise, socialise and even attend meetings or conferences. On the contrary, there are two sides to a coin. Although, the benefits of this technology are substantial, the demerits can not be denied. For instance, studies suggest that there is a steep decline in the number of social interactions as people are getting more and more addicted to their smartphones. Furthermore, the information provided online is sceptical or lack evidences. To summarise, no rose comes without its own thorn, therefore, in my opinion, even though there are certain drawbacks about the technological advancement but the benefits outweigh the losses.
Technology has taken over by leaps and bounds. The advent of the internet and cellular devices has a huge impact on the way we deal with our
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
.
However
, as luring the technology is, there are
also
a few setbacks caused by it. In this essay, we shall discuss the merits and demerits of this and try to find a possible conclusion.

In the modern world, mobile phones and internet has become a daily requirement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rely on them for personal
as well
as professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
For example
, the internet provides an array of information from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
parts of the world in fractional amount of time.
Additionally
, communication has become faster and efficient through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
messages or calls.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
rely on application available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
to stream news or even to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
or sell products.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
to open business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
or advertise,
Possible spelling mistake. 'socialise' is British English.
socialise
and even attend meetings or conferences.

On the contrary
, there are two sides to a coin. Although, the benefits of this technology are substantial, the demerits can not
be denied
.
For instance
, studies suggest that there is a steep decline in the number of social interactions as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are getting more and more addicted to their smartphones.
Furthermore
, the information provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
or lack evidences.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, no rose
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
without its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
thorn,
therefore
, in my opinion,
even though
there are certain drawbacks about the technological advancement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the benefits outweigh the losses.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay People are becoming too dependent on the Internet and phone. Is it a positive or negative development? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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