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By paying more to employees based on their performance levels, you can keep their motivation high. Do you agree this is the best way to encourage employees? v.1

By paying more to employees based on their performance levels, you can keep their motivation high. Do you agree this is the best way to encourage employees? v. 1
Residing in the metropolitan towns have posed some issues in people's daily lives. These problems are largely caused by lack of security, high rate of pollution and traffic gridlocks. However, I believe the policy makers should assist people in relocating to the countryside. Firstly, a major problem experienced by individuals in cities is that of security, everyone is concerned about how secure their lives and properties are as they should be. The sites are large and the population gives room for all kinds of vices and theft. For example, where I live in the lake area of Lagos State, Nigeria, we have experienced more robberies and burglary cases, than in the past. This is evident because more families have moved into the area. Another problem is the traffic gridlocks because of lack of adequate transportation system. In Lagos State, most people drive their cars and this causes a lot of traffic congestion on the road. Secondly, there is a high rate of pollution, which is caused by inadequate waste management systems and flooding issues. In the past, there were effective waste disposal systems. However, these days, that is no longer the case and it causes blocked drainages and waterways. Two years ago, for instance, there was serious flooding in the Island area of Lagos State, Nigeria, which destroyed a lot of homes and properties. The government should help people in moving to the countryside by providing basic amenities and infrastructures to encourage them. Another way the government can help them is by providing job or investment opportunities. This will reduce the problems encountered by people in cities. In conclusion, irrespective of the menace encountered by citizens, this can be controlled if the government, in partnership with the public joins hands together and implement sound strategies to encourage people to move to the regional towns.
Residing in the metropolitan towns have posed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are
largely
caused by lack of security, high rate of pollution and traffic gridlocks.
However
, I believe the
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
policy makers
should assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in relocating to the countryside.

Firstly
, a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
experienced by individuals in cities is that of security, everyone
is concerned
about how secure their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and properties are as they should be. The sites are large and the population gives room for all kinds of vices and theft.
For example
, where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the lake area of Lagos State, Nigeria, we have experienced more robberies and burglary cases, than in the past. This is evident
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more families have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
into the area. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the traffic gridlocks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of lack of adequate transportation system. In Lagos State, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
drive their cars and this causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
traffic congestion on the road.

Secondly
, there is a high rate of pollution, which
is caused
by inadequate waste management systems and flooding issues. In the past, there were effective waste disposal systems.
However
, these days,
that is
no longer the case and it causes blocked drainages and waterways. Two years ago,
for instance
, there was serious flooding in the Island area of Lagos State, Nigeria, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
homes and properties.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in moving to the countryside by providing basic amenities and infrastructures to encourage them. Another way the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them is by providing job or investment opportunities. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
encountered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in cities.

In conclusion
, irrespective of the menace encountered by citizens, this can
be controlled
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, in partnership with the public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
hands together and implement sound strategies to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the regional towns.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay By paying more to employees based on their performance levels, you can keep their motivation high. Do you agree this is the best way to encourage employees? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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