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The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v.1

The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v. 1
In this modern age, the disappearance of individual plants and animals has been one of the environmental issues. While some believe that we should spot the lights on much more serious problems such as global warming. I do confess that all possible factors that pose threat to the priceless environment are worth considering. To start with, a great deal of time should be spent to consider the most harmful effects of our surroundings especially the flora and fauna. As long as people are dumping more waste products, using plastic bags, more and more creatures will eventually lose their habitats. Moreover, at the end they will dye out, so that would cause loss of biodiversity. For example, tuna fishes are under continuous threat of extinction due to marine pollution. As they represent a food source, so that is will affect the normal food chain. Thus, damage our healthy environment. Secondly, global warming is a popular and famous topic nowadays, which is caused mainly by ozone layer depletion. Even though most of people are aware about the detrimental results of using cars to commute as a daily basis, there is a high demand of them on our streets. More CO2 is produced in the atmosphere, so trapping more heat from the sun; thus, climate warming. In 2008, a paper was published in Tokyo, states that if we didn’t decrease our dependency on cars, that would yield in the more and more tremendous harmful outcome. In conclusion, while some advocates that the extinction of some animals and could be dangerous, others admit that there are other natural catastrophes such as global warming. I personally believe that all above mentioned factors that seriously affect the Mother Nature should be managed urgently.
In this modern age, the disappearance of individual plants and animals has been one of the environmental issues. While
some
believe that we should spot the lights on much more serious problems such as global
warming
. I do confess that all possible factors that pose threat to the priceless environment are worth considering.

To
start
with, a great deal of time should
be spent
to consider the most harmful effects of our surroundings
especially
the flora and fauna. As long as
people
are dumping more waste products, using plastic bags, more and more creatures will
eventually
lose their habitats.
Moreover
, at the
end
they will dye out,
so
that would cause loss of biodiversity.
For example
, tuna fishes are under continuous threat of extinction due to marine pollution. As they represent a food source,
so
that
is will
affect the normal food chain.
Thus
, damage our healthy environment.

Secondly
, global
warming
is a popular and
famous
topic nowadays, which
is caused
mainly
by ozone layer depletion.
Even though
most of
people
are aware about the detrimental results of using cars to commute as a daily basis, there is a high demand of them on our streets. More CO2
is produced
in the atmosphere,
so
trapping more heat from the sun;
thus
, climate
warming
. In 2008, a paper
was published
in Tokyo, states that if we didn’t decrease our dependency on cars, that would yield in the more and more tremendous harmful outcome.

In conclusion
, while
some
advocates that the extinction of
some
animals and could be
dangerous
, others admit that there are other natural catastrophes such as global
warming
. I
personally
believe that all above mentioned factors that
seriously
affect the Mother Nature should
be managed
urgently
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The bar charts below show the number of hours each teacher spent teaching in different schools in four different countries in 2001. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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