Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? v. 3
Females have made huge strides in education and job sector, despite this, they are increasingly not favoured when it comes to salaries and career advancement. In my opinion, women should be given the same opportunities as their male counterparts. Firstly, females should be given more responsibilities, they should not be seen as inadequate or not up to the tasks. They are to be considered able and capable to handle all assignments as the opposite sex. This will enable them to function better mentally and psychologically. For instance, in my job as a Facilities Manager and my male colleagues earn better pay and compensation packages that I do, even though we have the same job description. Secondly, equality is healthy and vital to the workplace as this will give the ladies a sense of belonging. Their achievements should be recognised and celebrated more. This can be done by employers organising awareness programmes on the importance of having women in the workplace. This will be an eye-opener to everyone and also help the women because they will be able to perform under better conditions, instead of being stereotyped. For example, I use to work on a site where I was the only lady and the men always feel I should not be working with them. However, my boss took us to a conference on women empowered and everyone's mindset changed totally. Finally, office policies on recruitment should intentionally include women in the same quantity as men. Companies should set consequences for gender discrimination and unacceptable performance environments. Include progressive disciplinary procedures that the company will follow if one employee files a complaint against another employee. In conclusion, every employer should create an environment that encourages open communication and candour amongst the employees.
Females have made huge strides in education and job sector, despite this, they are
increasingly
not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to salaries and career advancement. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same opportunities as their male counterparts.

Firstly
, females should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more responsibilities, they should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as inadequate or not up to the tasks. They are to
be considered
able and capable to handle all assignments as the opposite sex. This will enable them to function better mentally and
psychologically
.
For instance
, in my job as a Facilities Manager and my male colleagues earn better pay and compensation packages that I do,
even though
we have the same job description.

Secondly
, equality is healthy and vital to the workplace as this will give the ladies a sense of belonging. Their achievements should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
and celebrated more. This can
be done
by employers
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
awareness
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
on the importance of having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the workplace. This will be an eye-opener to everyone and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will be able to perform under better conditions,
instead
of
being stereotyped
.
For example
, I
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
work on a site where I was the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
lady and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
always feel I should not be working with them.
However
, my boss took us to a conference on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowered and everyone's mindset
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
totally
.

Finally
, office policies on recruitment should
intentionally
include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in the same quantity as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
should set consequences for gender discrimination and unacceptable performance environments. Include progressive disciplinary procedures that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will follow if one employee files a complaint against another employee.

In conclusion
, every employer should create an environment that encourages open communication and
Possible spelling mistake found.
candour
amongst the employees.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In spite of the many advances women have made in education and employment, they continue to be at a disadvantage when it comes to pay and promotion. In your view, what should be done to promote equality of opportunity for men and women in the workplace? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts