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It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. Do you agree or disagree? use specific reason examples to develop your essay. v.5

It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. use specific reason examples to develop your essay. v. 5
In recent years, taking a year out before starting a degree course has been a popular trend among students. Although some feel that this trend has been a negative impact, I, however, believe that it has benefited students in two main reasons. Firstly, a gap year is a valuable period of time for students to have a clear career objective. While I concede that taking a break between school and university could be a distraction for further studies, the problem is that a majority of students in high school have inadequate vocational training which easily leads to wrong decisions related to what school they should apply for. As a result, they could waste from four to five years on the major which is not really suitable for them. This also means that after graduation, they reluctantly accept to do jobs, which they do not like. Therefore, a year off is certainly a great chance for school leavers to be sufficiently aware of their abilities as well as their real taste of employment. The second reason why a year off has been an essential benefit is probably self-development. Students can take advantage of this favourable opportunity to boost knowledge and broaden experiences which colleges or universities do not teach. Take language skill for example. School leavers might spend a year break learning a new language through working, travelling or volunteering abroad. There is the fact that a good command of a foreign language is instrumental in most kinds of careers. Therefore, if you can use one or several languages fluently, you will perhaps be golden to many employers. Furthermore, some of the top universities offer a language degree as an entrance qualification. Hence, a great language skill is likely to make it easier for students to be admitted into high-quality universities. In conclusion, a year out could be considered as a good chance for students to reach a specific career objective and purposely equip with necessary skills in an effort to develop themselves. Therefore, although I acknowledge that a year break can give rise to a disruption in academic progress, I agree that it generally creates many considerable merits for students.
In recent years, taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
starting a degree course has been a popular trend among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feel that this trend has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact, I,
however
, believe that it has benefited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in two main reasons.

Firstly
, a gap
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
is a valuable period of time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
career objective. While I concede that taking a break between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and university could be a distraction for
further
studies, the problem is that a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have inadequate vocational training which
easily
leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions related to what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
they should apply for.
As a result
, they could waste from four to five years on the major which is not
really
suitable for them. This
also
means that after graduation, they
reluctantly
accept to do jobs, which they do not like.
Therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off is
certainly
a great chance for
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
to be
sufficiently
aware of their abilities
as well
as their real taste of employment.

The second reason why a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off has been an essential benefit is
probably
self-development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can take advantage of this
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
opportunity to boost knowledge and broaden experiences which colleges or universities do not teach. Take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
for example
.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
School leavers
might spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
break learning a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
through working, travelling or volunteering abroad. There is the fact that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
command of a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is instrumental in most kinds of careers.
Therefore
, if you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
one or several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
fluently
, you will perhaps be golden to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employers.
Furthermore
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
top universities offer a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
degree as an entrance qualification.
Hence
, a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
be admitted
into high-quality universities.

In conclusion
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
out could
be considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to reach a specific career objective and
purposely
equip with necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in an effort to develop themselves.
Therefore
, although I acknowledge that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
break can give rise to a disruption in academic progress, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it
generally
creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
considerable merits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. use specific reason examples to develop your essay. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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