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The bar chart compares the amount of time spent by people in the UK on three different types of phone call between 1995 and 2002. v.1

The bar chart compares the amount of time spent by people in the UK on three different types of phone call between 1995 and 2002. v. 1
There is no doubt these days that people spend most of their time communicate with social media than meet each other in real life. The question is, what are the good things from this developing technology? In this essay, I am going to discuss the features of online product and draw my conclusion. In terms of the positive side, communication with people can be provided with a massive number of benefits. The main reason given to support this claim is that the community generally benefits people to increase kindness and let the number of bad habits to decrease. To illustrate, online chats gave people the comforts to feel free whenever they want to reply, shopping online is much easier than wasting time. In other words, as an example, it takes me so long to get ready when there is a gathering with my friends. However, on the other hand, there is a lack of disadvantages can ruin people thought which have lots of reasons too. Firstly, online features are easier and faster than how it is in reality. In other words, shopping online gave you the options to search and choose whatever you want specifically, but not all of the shops are trusted enough to sell the same piece as the web shows it. Secondly, you can chat to whoever you want which is good often, but people are not trusted too, especially on the internet, it can increase the amount of violence, but people prefer online as an easy solution to many of the problems. In conclusion, although it is said, that the Internet is an effective development nowadays which leads to bad habits. Therefore, I believe that the internet is a prominent thing to fit the world in future.
There is no doubt these days that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their time communicate with social
Use "(media)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
media
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in real life. The question is, what are the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things from this developing technology? In this essay, I am going to discuss the features of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
product and draw my conclusion.

In terms of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side, communication with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be provided
with a massive number of benefits. The main reason
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to support this claim is that the community
generally
benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase kindness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits to decrease. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
chats gave
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the comforts to feel free whenever they want to reply, shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is much easier than wasting time. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, as an example, it takes me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ready when there is a gathering with my friends.

However
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, there is a lack of disadvantages can ruin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
which have lots of reasons too.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
features are easier and faster than how it is in reality. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
gave you the options to search and choose whatever you want
specifically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not
Consider using "all the".
all of the
shops
are trusted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to sell the same piece as the web
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
it.
Secondly
, you can chat to
In a formal text, use "whomever", not 'whoever'.
whoever
you want which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not trusted too,
especially
on the internet, it can increase the amount of violence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
as an easy solution to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the problems.

In conclusion
, although it
is said
, that the Internet is an effective development nowadays which leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
Therefore
, I believe that the internet is a prominent thing to fit the world
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The bar chart compares the amount of time spent by people in the UK on three different types of phone call between 1995 and 2002. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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