Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cites Derby and Notngham between 2000 and 2009 v.1

The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cites Derby and Notngham between 2000 and 2009 v. 1
Some people claim that some people are naturally endowed with gifts, while others are not. Also, some people are of the opinion that any child could be trained be good at these activities. Personally, I believe that with hard work and determination, irrespective of one's talent, any child could learn to be good at playing some musical instrument or playing sports. On one hand, some people believe that talent is inborn. One of the reasons for this line of thought could be because of their religious beliefs. In some religions, talents are thought to come naturally to specific children from a higher supernatural being. Another reason is because some children play musical instruments, and perform very well at sports at a high level which would not have been possible without some form of training. In addition, some children are more physically fit than others, due to their natural build. For example, children who are tall, usually outperform shorter ones in the game of basketball. On the other hand, I believe that children could be taught to be good at music and become excellent in any sport. With consistency and hard work, children can even be better than children who are claimed to be naturally gifted. This is because a child's mind is still very keen on learning new things and can grasp new skills easily. Some of the world's best musicians and athletes were not naturally gifted when they were younger. For example, Christiano Ronaldo, who is one of the world's best footballers was not very talented when he was a child. He, however, got better and became the best due to rigorous training routines, dedication and hard work. In conclusion, while it is true that some children are naturally talented at music and sports, I however, feel that any child could be trained to become even better than children born with talent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
endowed with gifts, while others are not.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the opinion that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
could
be trained
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at these activities.
Personally
, I believe that with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and determination, irrespective of one's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
, any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
could learn to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
musical instrument or playing sports.

On one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
is inborn. One of the reasons for this line of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their religious beliefs. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
religions,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
to specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from a higher supernatural being. Another reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play musical instruments, and perform
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well at sports at a high level which would not have been possible without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
form of training.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more
physically
fit than others, due to their natural build.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are tall,
usually
outperform shorter ones in the game of basketball.

On the other hand
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
be taught
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at music and become excellent in any sport. With consistency and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can even be better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are claimed
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
gifted. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a child's mind is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen on learning new things and can grasp new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
easily
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of the world's best musicians and athletes were not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
gifted when they were younger.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christiano
Ronaldo, who is one of the world's best footballers was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
talented when he was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. He,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better and became the best due to rigorous training routines, dedication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.

In conclusion
, while it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
naturally
talented at music and sports, I
however
, feel that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
could
be trained
to become even better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
born with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the number of houses built per year in two cites Derby and Notngham between 2000 and 2009 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts