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The charts show the amount and quality of water supplied to two regions of the world Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The charts show the amount and quality of water supplied to two regions of the world
People worldwide are following the latest fashion and are grooming themselves accordingly. I believe the easy availability of merchandise and advertising have made these revolutionary changes. It is a positive trend both for the individual and society. To commence with, globalization and digital technology have made the way for international businesses to flourish across various nations. Top brands, trendy clothes and style which were limited to a particular country are now easily available in many countries. People can buy them online or from stores. Moreover, advertisements have greatly influenced people to follow fashion trends. Many celebrities are made brand ambassadors and they start advertising for the products on television, newspapers and social media. Thus, people become aware of what is trending in the market and it certainly creates an impulse in them to buy it. Perhaps, they don’t want to get bullied for doing something which is not in fashion, so they go along with the trend. In my opinion, this is beneficial for an individual because it helps in enhancing one’s personality. People who are up to date are always looked upon by their colleagues and friends and are appreciated. This boosts their self-confidence and body image. To illustrate this, studies have shown that people who are stylish and trendy are more happy and cheerful. Furthermore, due to increasing demand, there has been a tremendous growth in the business, which ultimately has increased the rate of employment. People are employed in various sections like production, marketing, packaging, sales and so on. Therefore, the public is being hired for the same and this has reduced the percentage of the unemployed population significantly which is good for the country’s development. In conclusion, as new fashion is accessible to people due to globalisation, they can follow it with ease. It creates employment to a large extent and also aids in boosting one’s personality and confidence, so it is indeed a positive development.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
worldwide are following the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
and are grooming themselves
accordingly
. I believe the easy availability of merchandise and advertising have made these revolutionary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend both for the individual and society.

To commence with, globalization and digital technology have made the way for international businesses to flourish across various nations. Top brands, trendy clothes and style which
were limited
to a particular country are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
easily
available in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them online or from stores.
Moreover
, advertisements have
greatly
influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
trends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
celebrities
are made
brand
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ambassadors and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
advertising for the products on television, newspapers and social media.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become aware of what is trending in the market and it
certainly
creates an impulse in them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it. Perhaps, they don’t want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bullied for doing something which is not in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they go along with the trend.

In my opinion, this is beneficial for an individual
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in enhancing one’s personality.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are up to date are always looked upon by their colleagues and friends and
are appreciated
. This boosts their self-confidence and body image. To illustrate this, studies have shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are stylish and trendy are more happy and cheerful.
Furthermore
, due to increasing demand, there has been a tremendous growth in the business, which
ultimately
has increased the rate of employment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are employed
in various sections like production, marketing, packaging, sales and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Therefore
, the public is
being hired
for the same and this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the percentage of the unemployed population
significantly
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the country’s development.

In conclusion
, as new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
is accessible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to
Do not mix variants of the same word ('globalisation' and 'globalization') within a single text.
globalisation
, they can follow it with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. It creates employment to a large extent and
also
aids in boosting one’s personality and confidence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
indeed
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The charts show the amount and quality of water supplied to two regions of the world

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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