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Your friend wants to improve his/her scores on studies, what suggestions would you give him/her? v.1

Your friend wants to improve his/her scores on studies, what suggestions would you give him/her? v. 1
In the recent times, science and technology has developed to such an extent that it is now possible to even increase a people's life span by using advanced medical facilities. It is thought by some people that this development is good for mankind, however others believe that this has a negative impact on humans. In my opinion, science has made people's life easier as compared with older days, so it is certainly a good development, but few anti-social elements may use it to harm society so in such cases technology has proven dangerous too. Technology development is considered good due to a plethora of reasons. Firstly, automation in many fields has made people's life simpler as now it has become quite easy to do work with less effort as well as time. To state an example, with the use of washing machines, laundry has become a simple and less time taking task. Secondly, education mediums are improved drastically as now one can learn things and attend classes while sitting at home using modern technology. Finally, the use of science cannot be ignored in the medical field, many diseases can be diagnosed and treated in less time by using advanced medical equipment. On the other hand, this can be harmful and disastrous if not used wisely. After introduction of technology people have become dependent on technology as now as most of the people do not like to do any manual or physical work; hence their health is impacted. In addition to, automation has resulted in layout in many of the organization, so it has reduced employment options. To conclude, science and technology can benefit society in many ways, but it must be used wisely and only for betterment of society. If used in the best way, any individual and nation can grow rapidly, but if ignorance is shown then it can result in dire consequences.
In the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has developed to such an extent that it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
possible to even increase a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life span by using advanced medical facilities. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that this development is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for mankind,
however
others believe that this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on humans. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared with older days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is
certainly
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
few anti-social elements may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to harm society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in such cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has proven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
too.

Technology development
is considered
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
due to a plethora of reasons.
Firstly
, automation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life simpler as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
it has become quite easy to do work with less effort
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To state an example, with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of washing machines, laundry has become a simple and less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
taking task.
Secondly
, education mediums are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
drastically
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
one can learn things and attend classes while sitting at home using modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Finally
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
in the medical field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases can
be diagnosed
and treated in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by using advanced medical equipment.

On the other hand
, this can be harmful and disastrous if not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
. After introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have become dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
as most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not like to do any manual or physical work;
hence
their health
is impacted
.
In addition
to, automation has resulted in layout in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the organization,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
employment options.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can benefit society in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for betterment of society. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the best way, any individual and nation can grow
rapidly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if ignorance
is shown
then it can result in dire consequences.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend wants to improve his/her scores on studies, what suggestions would you give him/her? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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