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The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999) v.1

The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999) v. 1
In the 21st-century, advertisement is an essential method for companies to promote their products to consumers. I agree that all companies should have the right to advertise as it has distinct advantages for both the consumers and society. However, fast food advertisements have become a severe concern nowadays, as it is one of the factors that causes detrimental health issues among people. Hence, advertisements such as fast foods and tobacco should be limited to advertising. The main idea for all companies should have the right to advertise is that advertisements provide a variety of distinct advantages for both the consumers and our society. Firstly, advertisements offer a wide range of choices for consumers. For example, every company uses advertisements to promote their product; it provides vital information about their products and the advantages of buying it. Therefore, when consumers are not sure which products best suit their requirements, they can be informed by advertisements and buy the required products. Additionally, allowing every company to have the right to advertise also increases the creation of job opportunities as more professionals are needed to create advertisements. Consequently, it would be resulting in a better economy level and benefits our community. On the other hand, some companies should be limited to advertising, such as fast food and tobacco companies. This is because advertisements do manipulate consumers to buy their products, and eating fast food and having tobacco can cause detrimental health issues such as obesity and lung cancer. This is evident as many youths and young adults can not refuse the mouthwatering hamburgers shown in the advertisements, and it results in a dramatically increased rate of obesity. Therefore, it is crucial for the government to limit the number of advertisements on fast foods and other products that can cause severe health issues among people. In conclusions, allowing all companies to advertise can provide a variety of beneficial advantages for both the consumers and our society. However, the government should take action to limit the amount of advertising that is promoting fast food and other products that can cause severe health issues.
In the 21st-century,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
is an essential method for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
as it has distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
and society.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have become a severe concern nowadays, as it is one of the factors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and tobacco should
be limited
to advertising.

The main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
provide a variety of distinct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
and our society.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
offer a wide range of choices for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
.
For example
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
to promote their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
; it provides vital information about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of buying it.
Therefore
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
are not sure which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
best suit their requirements, they can
be informed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Additionally
, allowing every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
to have the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
also
increases the creation of job opportunities as more professionals
are needed
to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
.
Consequently
, it would be resulting in a better economy level and benefits our community.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
be limited
to advertising, such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
do manipulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, and eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and having tobacco can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
detrimental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
such as obesity and lung cancer. This is evident as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youths and young adults can not refuse the mouthwatering hamburgers shown in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
, and it results in a
dramatically
increased rate of obesity.
Therefore
, it is crucial for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to limit the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusions, allowing all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertise
can provide a variety of beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
for both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
and our society.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take action to limit the amount of advertising
that is
promoting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay The bar chart below shows the number of employees from the European Union in the United States (1999) v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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