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It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for the students in all schools. What do you think? v.12

It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for the students in all schools. What do you think? v. 12
There is no doubt that exercise has been considered best and healthy for every age groups especially adolescents and small kids. Considering the benefits of exercising and sports, I firmly believe that sports education should be made mandatory in schools. In this essay I will highlight some of the reasons to support my view. Sports education has been successful in providing overall development. This is because playing any kind of sports or games, for instance, or to even incorporate exercise in daily routine helps in healthy mind and body wellbeing. To clarify, students are only indulged in studies which restricts them to do any kind of physical activity. Notably, children tend to get more lazy and lethargic and are unable to pay attention in studies or in classes. If, for example, keeping physical education as their subject will enforce them to play and hence, they will be energetic and playful. This may even lead them to excel in their lives. In addition, institutions and countries may get hidden talents to represent themselves. Every country needs sportsmen and adding a new curriculum in the syllabus may help. For example, allowing their children to take part in various tournaments and competitions may encourage them to come out on fields. As a result of this, kids will become self-confident and will proudly present the nation. I myself have a personal example in my school, their used to a girl who was an average student in academics but once she was given an opportunity, she came out to be a magnificent sprinter, seems she was bidding her time. In conclusion, I believe adding an extra sports education in the institutional syllabus will be a boon in the present time. This step should be taken soon by the authorities to make children healthy and active to face the challenges of the world.
There is no doubt that exercise has
been considered
best and healthy for every age groups
especially
adolescents and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
kids. Considering the benefits of exercising and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, I
firmly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should
be made
mandatory in schools. In this essay I will highlight
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
reasons to support my view.

Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has been successful in providing
overall
development. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
playing any kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or games,
for instance
, or to even incorporate exercise in daily routine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in healthy mind and body
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
. To clarify, students are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
indulged in studies which restricts them to do any kind of physical activity.
Notably
, children tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more lazy and lethargic and are unable to pay attention in studies or in classes. If,
for example
, keeping physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
as their subject will enforce them to play and
hence
, they will be energetic and playful. This may even lead them to excel in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In addition
, institutions and countries may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hidden talents to represent themselves. Every country needs sportsmen and adding a new curriculum in the syllabus may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
For example
, allowing their children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in various tournaments and competitions may encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out on fields.
As a result
of this, kids will become self-confident and will
proudly
present the nation. I myself have a personal example in my school, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to a girl who was an average student in academics
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
once she was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity, she came out to be a magnificent sprinter, seems she was bidding her time.

In conclusion
, I believe adding an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in the institutional syllabus will be a boon in the present time. This step should
be taken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
by the authorities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children healthy and active to face the challenges of the world.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay It is generally accepted that exercise is good for children and teenagers. Therefore, physical education and sport should be compulsory for the students in all schools. What do you think? v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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