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137) Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

137) High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
Educational system has significantly improved during the last century by introducing a great variety of fields. While some consider that high school students should study pr-established courses, others believe that scholars should have the chance to opt for what they want. I agree with the latter opinion, due to the fact that students can focus on what they are interested in, and and because it prevents from wasting time. I will explain my statement in detail, in the following essay. First and foremost, students should focus on domains they are passionate about, because these can be decisive for their future. Adults say that pupils are not aware or they do not know what is good for them, but by that age most know what domains are attractive for them. Moreover, forcing scholars to take useless classes is not a wise idea, as they will not accord too much attention to them. Furthermore, their grades might be lower, and consequently their chances to enter a prestigious university decrease considerably. For instance, I had to study Latin, a dead language, for five years. What this brought to me? Well, absolutely nothing. After spending five years studying it, I was not able to speak it and nor were my colleagues, and consequently all of us had low grades. As a result, our final results were reduced by the bad marks. To continue with, learning about irrelevant things is a totally waste of time, both for teachers and for students. In other words, teachers are disappointed when they notice that students show no interest in their work, and students do not add anything to their know-how. In addition, some classes require skills and talents, but unfortunately there are scholars who do not owe them. My experience is a compelling example of this. Back in middle school, I had to study painting and music, and I soon realized that I had no talent. I struggled a lot during this time and I hoped not to study them ever again. Sadly, my high school schedule included both of them, and even though I talk with the principle and explain her that I am not gifted at arts, she rejected my request to choose alternative courses. Thus, I had to spend eight years and hundreds of hours on learning things that I could not excel in. To summarize, high school pupils should definitely be allowed to select their classes. This is because they have the opportunity to elect beneficial domains for their future and because it is a way to avoid loosing time on unrelated fields.
Educational system has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
during the last century by introducing a great variety of fields. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consider that high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
pr-established courses, others believe that scholars should have the chance to opt for what they want. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter opinion, due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can focus on what they
are interested
in,
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
from wasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my statement in detail, in the following essay.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should focus on domains they are passionate about,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these can be decisive for their future. Adults say that pupils are not
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
aware or
they do not know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by that age most know what domains are attractive for them.
Moreover
, forcing scholars to take useless classes is not a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, as they will not accord too much attention to them.
Furthermore
, their grades might be lower, and
consequently
their chances to enter a prestigious university decrease
considerably
.
For instance
, I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
Latin, a dead language, for five years. What this brought to me? Well,
absolutely
nothing. After spending five years studying it, I was not able to speak it and nor were my colleagues, and
consequently
all of us had low grades.
As a result
, our final results were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
marks.

To continue with, learning about irrelevant things is a
You used an adverb ('totally') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('waste') instead of another adjective.
totally waste
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, both for teachers and for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
In other words
, teachers
are disappointed
when they notice that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
no interest in their work, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
anything to their know-how.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
classes require
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately there are scholars who do not owe them. My experience is a compelling example of this. Back in middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, I had to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
painting and music, and I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
realized that I had no talent. I struggled a lot during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and I hoped not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
them ever again.
Sadly
, my high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
schedule included both of them, and
even though
I talk with the principle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
The verb 'to explain something to someone' requires a preposition.
her
that I am not gifted at arts, she rejected my request to choose alternative courses.
Thus
, I had to spend eight years and hundreds of hours on learning things that I could not excel in.

To summarize
, high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils should definitely be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to select their classes. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have the opportunity to elect beneficial domains for their future and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a way to avoid loosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on unrelated fields.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 137) High schools should allow students to study the courses that students want to study. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
429 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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