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3 These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work What could be the reasons for this Do you think it is a positive or a negatives development v.1

3 These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work What could be the reasons for this Do you think it is a positive or a negatives development v. 1
There is no doubt that advertising is aiming to persuade consumers to buy their products. However, it has become a severe concern nowadays that advertisements propagate only the brighter side of the product and encourage people to follow the latest trends. As a result, advertising creates unnecessary, and artificial, wants and desires. Hence, it manipulates consumers to buy their products that are not essential for their daily life. The main idea is that advertisements only propagate the brighter side of their products in order to persuade consumers to buy it. Thus, it provides an incomplete image of the product to consumers. Consequently, consumers will gain desires to buy the products as it has no shortcoming. Who will not buy perfect products? A great example of this is weight loss supplements; most of the advertisements would only mention how females can lose weight just in 10 days by eating their products. However, they do not mention the harms and side effects that the supplement would cause. Therefore, many of the female consumers would gain desires to buy supplements rather than doing tiring fitness. Additionally, advertisements also encourage people to follow the latest trends through marketing. It has become an intimation for people to buy certain new products; otherwise, they will become outdated. This is especially happening within students. Although most of the school in Australia has banned students to use a smart phone in school, every junior student having a smartphone has become a normal phenomenon; if there is one student who does not have a smartphone, he or she may be seen as a ‘freak’. In conclusion, through the method of only propagates the brighter side of the product, and encourage people to follow the latest trend, advertising creates unnecessary desires and manipulates people to buy products. Advertising creates unnecessary, and artificial, wants and desires.
There is no doubt that advertising is aiming to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a severe concern nowadays that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
propagate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the brighter side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow the latest trends.
As a result
, advertising creates unnecessary, and artificial, wants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
desires
.
Hence
, it manipulates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that are not essential for their daily life.

The main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
propagate the brighter side of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in order to persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
it.
Thus
, it provides an incomplete image of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
will gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
desires
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as it has no shortcoming. Who will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
? A great example of this is weight loss supplements; most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
mention how females can lose weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in 10 days by eating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
However
, they do not mention the harms and side effects that the supplement would cause.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
would gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
desires
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
supplements
rather
than doing tiring fitness.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow the latest trends through marketing. It has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
an intimation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
certain new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
;
otherwise
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
outdated. This is
especially
happening within
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Although most of the school in Australia has banned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a smart phone in school, every junior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
having a smartphone has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a normal phenomenon; if there is one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
who does not have a smartphone, he or she may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a ‘freak’.

In conclusion
, through the method of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
propagates the brighter side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow the latest trend, advertising creates unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
desires
and manipulates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
products.

Advertising creates unnecessary, and artificial, wants and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
desires
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 3 These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work What could be the reasons for this Do you think it is a positive or a negatives development v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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