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the bar chart below shows the most important causes of stress for different age groups in Canada Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

the bar chart below shows the most important causes of stress for different age groups in Canada
As social network is developing, the number of young adults using online applications unsupervised for the purpose of meeting new people or stay in contact with their friends is increasing also. This popular trend might put those individuals in threatening situations. There are several solutions that can prevent unwanted situations such as building an honest relationship between parents and teenagers plus observing and controlling harmful websites. Firstly, parents should communicate with their children and build a healthy and safe bond with them. In other words, discussing the threats found online can prepare the youngster how to deal with alarming situations. In addition, opening the gate of communication between parents and their kids allows the individual to turn and discuss with their parents about suspicious situation. As a result, the mother or the father can deal with the problem in the best way possible. For instance, a child who is bullied on online networks by his peers must be able to discuss his situation with his parent, in order for them to find an effective solution like going to the school directory. Hence, Communication is vital to keep kids safe. Secondly, parental control is a necessity once a teenager starts using social networks. To put it differently, parents should supervise and restrict harmful and inappropriate websites by either blocking them or forbid their kids using them. For example, internet providers can eliminate several networks or put passwords to prevent individuals use the application without observation. Overall, controlling and supervising the online world that kids are entering is one of the solution to limit dangerous situation. In conclusion, the social media is an enormous role where youngsters can encounter threatening situations, however, observing the individual online actions plus talking to them about the troubles they might find decreases the chances of danger.
As social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
network
is developing, the number of young adults using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
applications unsupervised for the purpose of meeting new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or stay in contact with their friends is increasing
also
. This popular trend might put those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
in threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
. There are several solutions that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
unwanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
such as building an honest relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
plus observing and controlling harmful websites.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should communicate with their children and build a healthy and safe bond with them.
In other words
, discussing the threats found
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can prepare the youngster how to deal with alarming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
.
In addition
, opening the gate of communication between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
to turn and discuss with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
about suspicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
.
As a result
, the mother or the father can deal with the problem in the best way possible.
For instance
, a child who
is bullied
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
by his peers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be able to discuss his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situation
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
, in order for them to find an effective solution like going to the school directory.
Hence
, Communication is vital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
safe.

Secondly
, parental control is a necessity once a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
using social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
. To put it
differently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should supervise and restrict harmful and inappropriate websites by either blocking them or forbid their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
using them.
For example
, internet providers can eliminate several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
networks
or put passwords to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the application without observation.
Overall
, controlling and supervising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
world that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are entering is one of the solution to limit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situation.

In conclusion
, the social media is an enormous role where youngsters can encounter threatening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
situations
,
however
, observing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
actions plus talking to them about the troubles they might find decreases the chances of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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Rumi

IELTS essay the bar chart below shows the most important causes of stress for different age groups in Canada

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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