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The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.
Tourism has become an integral part of today's society. It is an irrefutable fact that international travel is increasingly becoming more affordable and nations are now more welcoming to foreigners than it used to be in the past. However, this development does not come without an impact on the society. Despite its advantages which include the balance of the economy, there are also some certain disadvantages which me arise from it. From an individual perspective, I absolutely believe the drawbacks by far outweigh the merit. This essay will discuss why it is considered to be so in the details. To begin with, countries are now being positive towards international travel because of the primary advantage that they derive from it, which include the balance of their local economy. This is so in the sense that, money gotten from this in the form of tax and other charges can be used in expanding of local markets. In addition, it can also leads to the establishment of companies in the area, thereby creating employment opportunities for the countrymen. However, despite the advantage mentioned above, there are two major disadvantages associated with this development. Firstly, the disruption of the natural process of nature. In the bid to expand and develop the tourist attraction site, so many wildlife habitats are destroyed thereby exposing them to harsh weather which can in turn lead to their extinction. For example, increase construction of the motel around beaches has led to loss of animals. Secondly, it will lead to increase in the cost of living of local people. Due to The effect of foreigners, indigenous traders might inflate their prices. As a consequence, the country folks are affected negatively. In conclusion, international travel is gaining popularity among both individuals and countries in general. Looking at it critically, it is undeniable that the harm it does is greater than the good. This essay discussed the advantage which include economic balance, as well as the disadvantages in terms of disruption of the ecosystem.
Tourism has become an integral part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society. It is an irrefutable fact that international travel is
increasingly
becoming more affordable and nations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more welcoming to foreigners than it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be in the past.
However
, this development does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
without an impact on the society. Despite its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
which include the balance of the economy, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
certain disadvantages which me arise from it. From an individual perspective, I
absolutely
believe the drawbacks by far outweigh the merit. This essay will discuss why it
is considered
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, countries are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
towards international travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
that they derive from it, which include the balance of their local economy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in the sense that, money gotten from this in the form of tax and other charges can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in expanding of local markets.
In addition
, it can
also
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to the establishment of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in the area, thereby creating employment opportunities for the countrymen.

However
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
mentioned above, there are two major disadvantages associated with this development.
Firstly
, the disruption of the natural process of nature. In the bid to expand and develop the tourist attraction site,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wildlife habitats are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
thereby exposing them to harsh weather which can in turn lead to their extinction.
For example
, increase construction of the motel around beaches has led to loss of animals.
Secondly
, it will lead to increase in the cost of living of local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Due to The effect of foreigners, indigenous traders might inflate their prices. As a consequence, the country folks are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
.

In conclusion
, international travel is gaining popularity among both individuals and countries
in general
. Looking at it
critically
, it is undeniable that the harm it does is greater than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. This essay discussed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
which include economic balance,
as well
as the disadvantages in terms of disruption of the ecosystem.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay The pie chart shows the percentage of women in poverty and the bar chart shows poverty rates by sex and age. They are from the United States in 2008.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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