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The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 3
Citizens' life expectancy has becoming a serious issue for several countries in the world lately. It is believed that people's health standard is predicted to get lower than the current state. I personally agree with this statement. This essay will explain the reason why I believe it is true and provide some related examples regarding it. First and foremost, people, especially workers in big cities, have to deal with traffic congestion every single working day. They spend most of their time in the office and on the road. Moreover, the long office hours are not enough for them to meet the work deadlines. So, most of times, those employees have to finish their work after arriving at home. This daily routine makes city dwellers lack of time, for example to sleep, do physical activities, and pick their healthy food. They end up choosing fast and processed food instead. Second, by committing to that daily routine and lifestyle, people ruin their own biological clock which leads to several health problems, namely hypertension, obesity, and cancer. These noncommunicable diseases are listed in three most deadly diseases in the world according to WHO. The number of people's mortality caused by those diseases are increasing year by year. This fact proves that the people's health is decreasing and can be worse years ahead. In conclusion, I agree with the statement of standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. This prediction can be logically explained by analysing the current people's sedentary lifestyle, food consumption, and stress induced by work-related issues.
Citizens' life expectancy has becoming a serious issue for several countries in the world lately. It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
standard
is predicted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lower than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
state. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the reason why I believe it is true and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
related examples regarding it.

First
and foremost,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
workers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with traffic congestion every single working day. They spend most of their time in the office and on the road.
Moreover
, the long office hours are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the work deadlines.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the times") or simply say "most times".
most of times
, those employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
finish their work after arriving at home. This daily routine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
city dwellers lack of time,
for example
to sleep, do physical activities, and pick their healthy food. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up choosing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and processed food
instead
.

Second, by committing to that daily routine and lifestyle,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
ruin their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
biological clock which leads to several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems,
namely
hypertension, obesity, and cancer. These noncommunicable diseases
are listed
in three most deadly diseases in the world according to
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
mortality caused by those diseases are increasing year by year. This fact proves that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is decreasing and can be worse years ahead.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement of standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is likely to be lower in the future than it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. This prediction can be
logically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people's
sedentary lifestyle, food consumption, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
induced by work-related issues.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The average standard of people’s health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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