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Some people think that national sports teams and individual men and women who represent their country should be financially supported by the government. However, others argue that they should be funded by non-government sources (eg. Business, scholarship, etc). Discuss both view and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that national sports teams and individual men and women who represent their country should be financially supported by the government. However, others argue that they should be funded by non-government sources (eg. Business, scholarship, etc). 1
Nowadays, sports holds a fascination on an individual life because of the national honour they gain on participation in the World Cup or Olympics. For an individual, training is expensive, so they depend upon external funding assistance to achieve the desired result. Some people are of the opinion that the country should support financially to national players, while others advocate that private institutions should financially help the sports players. It is essential to admit that both views have their benefits. In this essay, I will discuss both possible reasons that support each aspect, and what advantages they bring to society. On the one hand, many think that the government should give private training to the players. In other words, the fund them so the athletes could be ready for world competitions. Since they are representing the country, the government must support financially and motivate them. For example, in developed countries, the government couch the player by the professional trainers, also arrange the essential equipment and sports area so the participants could practice. On the other hand, those in favour that NGOs funding is that it would reduce the burden on the government. Moreover, the businesses are profit driven so they would provide the best coaching and facilities to their team. The reason they would support the team is that they want to make use of their market influence to promote their products or service. So, they also get something back by doing so. So in my opinion, the government could fund equally to all the sports and encourage the young adult to showcase their talent in the world competition, and the players own responsibility towards the nation. But by private sector funding, these players are more interested in earning money, and companies do not give equal opportunities to all the sports. To conclude, national teams and players are standing for the nation should be financially supported by the government.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
holds a fascination on an individual life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the national
Possible spelling mistake. 'honour' is British English.
honour
they gain on participation in the World Cup or Olympics. For an individual, training is expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they depend upon external funding assistance to achieve the desired result.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that the country should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
financially
to national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
, while others advocate that private institutions should
financially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. It is essential to admit that both views have their benefits. In this essay, I will discuss both possible reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
each aspect, and what advantages they bring to society.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give private training to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
.
In other words
, the fund them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the athletes could be ready for world competitions. Since they are representing the country, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
financially
and motivate them.
For example
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
couch the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
by the professional trainers,
also
arrange the essential equipment and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the participants could practice.

On the other hand
, those in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
that NGOs funding is that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Moreover
, the businesses are profit driven
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would provide the best coaching and facilities to their team. The reason they would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the team is that they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of their market influence to promote their products or service.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
something back by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could fund
equally
to all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and encourage the young adult to showcase their talent in the world competition, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
responsibility towards the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
by private sector funding, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are more interested in earning money, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not give equal opportunities to all the sports.

To conclude
, national teams and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are standing for the nation should be
financially
supported by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think that national sports teams and individual men and women who represent their country should be financially supported by the government. However, others argue that they should be funded by non-government sources (eg. Business, scholarship, etc). 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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