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Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view? v.1

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 1
Nowadays, the arts is becoming popular in many countries. Some people are convinced that the government is squandering money on the arts and that it should be spent on other fields. In my opinion, I believe that the government should, however, spend money on arts, but should focus mainly on other important fields such as technology and science. Many consider that studying or working in art fields is not recommended. This is because that the arts is not essential to improve our society and economy as many other fields. For example, many fields, such as engineering and agriculture, can improve that availability of job vacancies and encourage people’s career life, if the government spent enough money to enhance these fields. However, the arts is a field that can be considered to improve job opportunities and people’s lives, but not as other basic and important fields. These people also hold the view of spending money on sport clubs and psychology. Providing people with opportunities to improve their health as practising exercise as well as improving the field of psychology can be practical aspects to choose spending money on, instead of the arts. They believe that arts cannot develop the people’s intellectual skills and psychology as other fundamental fields. So, I believe that there are important aspects which are highly important to pay attention to. In conclusion, some people hold the view of the importance of many fields rather than the arts. It is quintessential to enhance and develop many studies which can be beneficial for us and the country’s economy. The government should balance the areas which they spend money on.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is becoming popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are convinced
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is squandering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and that it should
be spent
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
. In my opinion, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should,
however
, spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should focus
mainly
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
such as technology and science.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
consider that studying or working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
is not recommended. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is not essential to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
our society and economy as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
, such as engineering and agriculture, can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
that availability of job vacancies and encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
career life, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to enhance these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
that can
be considered
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
job opportunities and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
basic and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
fields.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
also
hold the view of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on sport clubs and psychology. Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their health as
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
exercise
as well
as improving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
field
of psychology can be practical aspects to choose
If 'choose' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to spend".
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on,
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. They believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
cannot develop the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and psychology as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
aspects which are
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to pay attention to.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the view of the importance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fields
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
. It is quintessential to enhance and develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies which can be beneficial for us and the country’s economy. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should balance the areas which they spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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