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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.2

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 2
Health is a vital factor in the prosperity of a human being's life. In order to enjoy the fruits of one's labour, the person first and foremost, has to be healthy. However, with reference to current behavioural trends and certain technological factors, I believe that people will tend to become unhealthier in the future. Firstly, let us examine the present outlook of people towards physical activity. While a portion of the young adult population religiously devotes a part of their day to exercising, a majority of people have become more opposed to the idea of making an effort to maintain their physical well-being. This change in behaviour has a plethora of reasons, of which the primary reason is fast food. Unhealthy, but convenient "fast foods" are becoming a favoured choice for students and professionals alike. Since people are busier, they are more likely to prioritise their educational or professional responsibilities over their health. This pushes them towards an unhealthy lifestyle of inadequate nutrition, physical activity and sleep, thereby making them unhealthy. Research also indicates that adults today are more prone to habits such as recreational drinking and drug-use, since it is becoming a typical part of most social events. In addition to physical health, mental health too constitutes an integral part of a person's overall well-being. Research shows that people are experiencing heightened amounts of stress, which will take a toll on their mental peace. People nowadays rarely spend time on maintaining a clear mind, without realising the adverse impact this would have on their professional, as well as personal lives. The advent of social media made it a habit for people to form comparisons between their lives and that of others'. These platforms also promote an unhealthy expectation of body image, and often advertise harmful supplements that claim to help people lose weight at an unhealthy rate. The normalisation of this culture will prove to be toxic towards both the mental and physical health of people. However, there are certain factors such as the usage of organic products and advancements in the field of medicine, which will have a positive impact on people's health. People need to be made aware of the implications their short-term decisions would have on their long-term well-being, and this would aid them in making better informed decisions. Based on the analysis of both sides of the argument on the level of general health of people, it is my belief that there is bound to be a depreciation in people's heath, which will become a pressing issue in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is a vital factor in the prosperity of a human being's life. In order to enjoy the fruits of one's
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
, the person
first
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be healthy.
However
, with reference to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
trends and certain technological factors, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will tend to become unhealthier in the future.

Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us examine the present outlook of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity. While a portion of the young adult population
religiously
devotes a part of their day to exercising, a majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more opposed to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of making an effort to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
well-being. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has a plethora of reasons, of which the primary reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unhealthy
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
convenient
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
are becoming a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
choice for students and professionals alike. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busier, they are more likely to
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
their educational or professional responsibilities over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This pushes them towards an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
lifestyle of inadequate nutrition,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity and sleep, thereby making them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
. Research
also
indicates that adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are more prone to habits such as recreational drinking and drug-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
, since it is becoming a typical part of most social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

In addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
, mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
too constitutes an integral part of a person's
overall
well-being. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are experiencing heightened amounts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which will take a toll on their mental peace.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays rarely spend time on maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
mind, without
Possible spelling mistake. 'realising' is British English.
realising
the adverse impact this would have on their professional,
as well
as personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The advent of social media made it a habit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to form comparisons between their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and that of others'. These platforms
also
promote an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
expectation of body image, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
advertise harmful supplements that claim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose weight at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unhealthy
rate. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'normalisation' is British English.
normalisation
of this culture will prove to be toxic towards both the mental and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, there are certain factors such as the usage of organic products and advancements in the field of medicine, which will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to
be made
aware of the implications their short-term decisions would have on their long-term well-being, and this would aid them in making better informed decisions.

Based on the analysis of both sides of the argument on the level of general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it is my belief that there
is bound
to be a depreciation in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's heath, which will become a pressing issue in the future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
425 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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