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The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.19

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 19
It is believed that the quality of human strength in the future may be weaker than at the moment. From my points of view, I agree with the statement and the following paragraphs will talk about the reasons why and some particular instances. To begin with, there are a variety of reasons why people’s energy might be lower over time. Firstly, some teenagers have an unbalanced diet, which affects their physical well-being. For example, some adolescents are craving for junk foods without the control like fried chicken, potato chips without organic food such as broccoli, carrot, they may be obese and overweight sudden, more dangerous is that they will be able to get heart-disease. Secondly, some young people also have some bad regulars which are hard to fix and bring to them some serious consequences. For instance, children are addicted to technological devices like smartphones or computer games, leading to some serious consequences such as conjunctivitis, dementia, which are dangerous diseases and may leave sequel in the future. Moreover, because some parents may not teach their children about protecting their body or fitness education, some teenagers are still unrecognized the importance of staying healthy. In particular, they forget to advise the children to reduce the prevalence of pre-made food and cook nutritious meals for their toddlers or they still let their children be too dependent on their smartphones without telling them to go out to play sports. If they continue to have unorganized ways of life, in the future they will be seriously affected by energy, will not be able to focus on work and study. In conclusion, I agree with the statement below and in my opinion, people should be encouraged to protect their physical and do more exercise for well-being promotion.
It
is believed
that the quality of human strength in the future may be weaker than at the moment. From my points of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and the following paragraphs will talk about the reasons why and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular instances.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are a variety of reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s energy might be lower over time.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have an unbalanced diet, which affects their physical well-being.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adolescents are craving for junk foods without the control like fried chicken, potato chips without organic food such as broccoli, carrot, they may be obese and overweight sudden, more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
is that they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
heart-disease.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
regulars which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
and bring to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious consequences.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
to technological devices like smartphones or computer games, leading to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious consequences such as conjunctivitis, dementia, which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases and may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
sequel in the future.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents may not teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about protecting their body or fitness education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are
still
unrecognized the importance of staying healthy.
In particular
, they forget to advise the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the prevalence of
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-made
food and cook nutritious meals for their
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
toddlers or
they
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be too dependent on their smartphones without telling them to go out to play sports. If they continue to have unorganized ways of life, in the future they will be
seriously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by energy, will not be able to focus on work and study.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement below and in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be encouraged
to protect their physical and do more exercise for well-being promotion.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. with this statement? v. 19

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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