Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

It is often said that government spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while other problems are more important? Do you agree or disagree? v.2

It is often said that government spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while other problems are more important? v. 2
It is thought in general that government's expenditure on preserving wildlife is a lot, whereas there are more crucial issue to tackle. In my opinion, in the modern era some governments pay particular attention to nature and their protection. However, I believe that medical wellness should be invested equally because it is important as well. The first and foremost, natural surroundings together with wild plants and animals are key to a happy and continuous life in the world. Governments in the developed countries spend extraordinary amounts for protecting these pastoral settings. Conversely, underdeveloped countries invest mostly in agriculture.  Wild nature, firstly contributes to our air quality through increasing the oxygen level in the air we breathe. Moreover, it also improves the water quality and helps combat the climate change. For example, Scientists from Efes conducted a research on the impacts of destroyed wildlife in 2010, and they suggest that it plays a vital role in protecting the ozone layer and prevention of the global heating. There are other essential areas as distinct from preserving the pastoral surroundings. Governments should make an investment in public health as well. There are alternatives to everything, including nature, such as the advanced version of artificial plants which increase the oxygen amount in the air. Whereas, there is no other option for our medical welfare. Furthermore, everyone has a right to life. The authorities should enable their citizens to develop and preserve well being. In conclusion, industrialised countries give more money to protect wilderness than that of developing nations. It plays a crucial role in fighting over climate change and leads to having more oxygen in our lungs. However, I believe that, the public wellness is equally vital. State administration should allot the same amount of money to the health system as well. These two investments make any country stronger and more peaceful.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
in general
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's expenditure on preserving wildlife is a lot, whereas there are more crucial issue to tackle. In my opinion, in the modern era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
pay particular attention to nature and their protection.
However
, I believe that medical wellness should
be invested
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as well
.

The
first
and foremost, natural surroundings together with wild plants and animals are key to a happy and continuous life in the world.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
spend extraordinary amounts for protecting these pastoral settings.
Conversely
, underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
invest
mostly
in agriculture.  Wild nature,
firstly
contributes to our air quality through increasing the oxygen level in the air we breathe.
Moreover
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
the water quality and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
combat the climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For example
, Scientists from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Efes
conducted
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
on the impacts of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
wildlife in 2010, and they suggest that it plays a vital role in protecting the ozone layer and prevention of the global heating.

There are other essential areas as distinct from preserving the pastoral surroundings.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an investment in public health
as well
. There are alternatives to everything, including nature, such as the advanced version of artificial plants which increase the oxygen amount in the air. Whereas, there is no other option for our medical welfare.
Furthermore
, everyone has a right to life. The authorities should enable their citizens to develop and preserve
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'industrialised' is British English.
industrialised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
give more money to protect wilderness than that of developing nations. It plays a crucial role in fighting over climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and leads to having more oxygen in our lungs.
However
, I believe that, the public wellness is
equally
vital. State administration should allot the same amount of money to the health system
as well
. These two investments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
stronger and more peaceful.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay It is often said that government spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while other problems are more important? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts