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School teachers are more responsible for the social and intellectual development of students than parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

School teachers are more responsible for the social and intellectual development of students than parents. v. 1
It is often argued that educators have a greater responsibility to develop the cognitive and social aspects of students compared to parents. I agree with this statement, as teachers are well trained to teach formal lessons. Apart from that, school is the best place for children to interact with their peers and make more friends. On the one hand, school is a very important part of every student's life, and teachers play a key role in the overall development of children. Firstly, instructors help students to develop teamwork and leadership skills. They give them different assignments that enables them to work with their colleagues towards the completion of the task. Secondly, students are more often influenced by their teacher's etiquette, for example, their way of talking and their attitudes. By doing so, they may also be inspired to be like them. Talking about intellectual development, I do not think there is a better place than school to develop such skills. Teachers are experts in their field and it is their duty to give their students the skills of critical thinking, creativity as well as generation of ideas. Educators can understand individual students through day-to-day interaction and identify the capability of each one. They also know the different ways to solve their own problems. On the other hand, parents are very busy in their working lives today. They often lack the time for their child, so they do not understand them very well. They may not know the difficulties their children face, how to deal with them during failure, how to improve their learning, and so on. Some parents tend to ignore their child's mistake, so they would not feel that they are making faults. In conclusion, I strongly believe that, when it comes to dealing with the overall academic and social skills of the youth, mentors have a more crucial role than parents. It is because they are trained to perform this on a professional level.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that educators have a greater responsibility to develop the cognitive and social aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement, as teachers are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
to teach formal lessons. Apart from that, school is the best place for children to interact with their peers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more friends.

On the one hand, school is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of every student's life, and teachers play a key role in the
overall
development of children.
Firstly
, instructors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop teamwork and leadership
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. They give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
assignments that enables them to work with their colleagues towards the completion of the task.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
influenced by their teacher's etiquette,
for example
, their way of talking and their attitudes. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they may
also
be inspired
to be like them.

Talking about intellectual development, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there is a better place than school to develop such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Teachers are experts in their field and it is their duty to give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of critical thinking, creativity
as well
as generation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. Educators can understand individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
through day-to-day interaction and identify the capability of each one. They
also
know the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to solve their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
problems.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
busy in their working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack the time for their child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not understand them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well. They may not know the difficulties their children face, how to deal with them during failure, how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their learning, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their child's mistake,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would not feel that they are making faults.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to dealing with the
overall
academic and social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of the youth, mentors have a more crucial role than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are trained
to perform this on a professional level.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay School teachers are more responsible for the social and intellectual development of students than parents. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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