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The Art should be better funded by the government but there must be more control over where the money goes. v.1

The Art should be better funded by the government but there must be more control over where the money goes. v. 1
Since prehistoric ages, the Art highlights our lives, adds beauty and happiness and cultivates the taste of culture and uniqueness of the society among people. However, nowadays creative projects have become very expensive and can not bring pay-off to its authors. Some people think that the government should pay for those projects and of course, observe precisely how those funds are being spent and on what type of projects it is being used. This is quite obvious that no entity or organisation knows a nation's cultural aspects and needs better than the government. This is why a government can evaluate which sphere of cultural life have the necessity of development. It also achieves its goals of public loyalty by funding a specific field of the Art and by controlling budget by giving maintenance only to projects they are interested in. However, funding the Art selectively can lead artists to the lack of freedom in expressing themselves. In other words, then those who have powers, will use the money to regulate cultural life. As a consequence, it can then limit the imagination and put artists into borders they would be scared to cross. Thus, here comes the censorship, which has nothing in common with the main democracy principles. For example, a similar situation emerged in the Soviet Union, where the government controlled the Art and therefore the only career an artist could pursue is praising the Communist Party by his creations. This shows how artworks can become political works when they are very strictly controlled. As an alternative of letting a government control spending money on the Art, a non-governmental independent organisation could be established. It must consist of the best cultural activists from a country. This would add a certain level of budget control and would guarantee that there are no limits for the arts and artists. To conclude, I believe that funding the Art is one of the main tasks of a state, but the purpose of it should be the development and enhancement of the arts, not making it serving government's political needs.
Since prehistoric ages, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
highlights our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
beauty and happiness and cultivates the taste of culture and uniqueness of the society among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, nowadays creative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive and can not bring pay-off to its authors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should pay for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
and
of course
, observe
precisely
how those funds are
being spent
and on what type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
it is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

This is quite obvious that no entity or
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
knows a nation's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
aspects and needs better than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. This is why a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can evaluate which sphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
life have the necessity of development. It
also
achieves its goals of public loyalty by funding a specific field of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and by controlling budget by giving maintenance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
they
are interested
in.

However
, funding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
selectively
can lead artists to the lack of freedom in expressing themselves.
In other words
, then those who have powers, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the money to regulate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
life. As a consequence, it can then limit the imagination and put artists into borders they would
be scared
to cross.
Thus
, here
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
the censorship, which has nothing in common with the main democracy principles.
For example
, a similar situation emerged in the Soviet Union, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
controlled the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
and
therefore
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
career an artist could pursue is praising the Communist Party by his creations. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how artworks can become political works when they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strictly
controlled.

As an alternative of letting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
control spending money on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
, a non-governmental independent
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
could
be established
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consist of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
activists from a country. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
a certain level of budget control and would guarantee that there are no limits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and artists.

To conclude
, I believe that funding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Art
is one of the main tasks of a state,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the purpose of it should be the development and enhancement of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
, not making it serving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's political needs.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The Art should be better funded by the government but there must be more control over where the money goes. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
345 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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