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Your friend went straight to work after high school and skipped university. But now ten years later, he decides to go to university. Please talk about at least one challenge he will face when he goes touniversity at an elder age. v.1

Your friend went straight to work after high school and skipped university. But now ten years later, he decides to go to university. Please talk about at least one challenge he will face when he goes touniversity at an elder age. v. 1
Working overtime, at the presentation area, has inevitably been an essential part of people's daily life. Some people believe that working long hours is good for people to increase their personal salaries. In contrast, enormous citizens consider that workers should have more leisure time to do some relaxing activities. This essay will argue that people's working time should be less than before and have more time to relax. Actually, in order to get higher salaries and benefits, a lot of people choose to work overtime, that is the main reason why people just have little time for leisure activities. In many developing countries, residents live in the poor environment, which people have to work meticulously to earn more money to help their families survive. In this way, they do not have anytime to take a breath and the working assignment occupies their whole day. Nevertheless, this notion is based on the measuring, ignoring the fact that people are using their physical health to exchange money. Undoubtedly, if commuters save one or two hours per day to do some relaxing activities, they could get two advantages. Firstly, if people do some physical exercises in their spare time, they could promote their body's health, which may help them finish jobs more extraordinary, since there have good body's situation. Secondly, commuters may have more time to accompany with their families, which are their main passion to keep working and never collapse by life's stress. It is an exceedingly fantastic way for employees to work more effectively and make more profit. In conclusion, if people always work overtime and rest rarely, their body's health would be broken and become more and more inefficient. Employees need time to relax and accompany with families that is the power for them, just like petrol add to the car. It would have more good effect for workers and also good for companies.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
overtime, at the presentation area, has
inevitably
been an essential part of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's daily life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
long hours is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to increase their personal salaries.
In contrast
, enormous citizens consider that workers should have more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxing activities. This essay will argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be less than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax.

Actually, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher salaries and benefits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime,
that is
the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for leisure activities. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, residents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the poor environment, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
meticulously
to earn more money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their families survive. In this way, they do not have anytime to take a breath and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
assignment occupies their whole day.
Nevertheless
, this notion
is based
on the measuring, ignoring the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using their physical health to exchange money.

Undoubtedly
, if commuters save one or two hours per day to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relaxing activities, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
two advantages.
Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical exercises in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they could promote their body's health, which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them finish jobs more extraordinary, since there have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
body's situation.
Secondly
, commuters may have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
their families, which are their main passion to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
and never collapse by life's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. It is an
exceedingly
fantastic way for employees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
effectively
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more profit.

In conclusion
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime and
The adverb 'rarely' is usually put before the verb 'rest'.
rest rarely
, their body's health would
be broken
and become more and more inefficient. Employees need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax and
The usual collocation for "accompany" is "by," not "with." It is better to say this: "accompany by".
accompany with
families
that is
the power for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like petrol
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to the car. It would have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
effect for workers and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend went straight to work after high school and skipped university. But now ten years later, he decides to go to university. Please talk about at least one challenge he will face when he goes touniversity at an elder age. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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